single and fierce

First Kiss? 
A classmate in 5th grade, in someone's backyard tool shed at a party; several friends were watching us and coaching me, but it was still pretty gross.

First love: Puppy Love: my high school boyfriend Freddy.

Real Love: my college boyfriend Ron (I'm still good friends with Ron; I have no idea where Freddy is.)

Worst date: A first date with someone at an outdoor seafood shack with seagulls crapping on the table; all he did was talk about his ex-wife

Blackberry, iphone, or cell phone: I have a cell phone right now, but plan to give myself an iPhone for Valentine's Day!!Favorite movie: A bunch: "Volver," "Raise the Red Lantern," "Closer"
I also love old horror movies, like "Rosemary's Baby" & "The Shining"

Last book I read: I was reading The Family That Couldn't Sleep but left it on an airplane. I'm going to buy another copy, because I want to finish it. I'm also reading Morrison's A Mercy.

Favorite vacation: New York City, or some place tropical

Do I fall in love easily? I think I'm in love a lot, but I get over it quickly. At this point in my life (mid 30's) I've really only loved two people, neither of which I lasted with. I still love them both, though. In ten years I hope my kids are off at school and I can move to a big city and make some money on my writing while table dancing to pay the bills. (ha ha) Night person. I'm most bewitching by moonlight.

Lust is hot, but love is hotter (and more dangerous).  
Thu. Mar 05, 2009 | 8:11 AM
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outcast.jpg

Is the world really just a great big Noah's Ark?

Must all humans be holding hands, walking along two by two, at the supermarket, in restaurants, at the bus stop? Is each and every member of each of those couples deliriously happy, truly faithful, truly in love? If they are, what book did they read to get there? Did they take a course in college on how to find the perfect life mate? And what about us singletons? Where do we fit in the big picture? Alone forever? Resigned to the role of "other woman" (or "other man")?

I was a really outdoorsy kid. I grew up in the country, so there was lots of brush, fields, and myriad creatures to explore. One of my favorite things to do was follow trails of ants to and from their destinations. I admired the way they marched single file, one right behind the other, sometimes carrying a fragment of vegetation, a bit of decaying insect. They had one job, and they didn't stray.

Sometimes, though, one little guy got lost along the way. Having misplaced the trail of scent left by his comrades, he scuttled haphazardly outside of the group. It was hilarious to watch these ones: they could be millimeters away from the line and still they would zip around in circles, forever lost.

I think I'm that ant. Everyone else knows the task. Everyone else is working together toward a common goal, two by two, and I'm running around on the outside, trying to find the scent. Will I ever find it? I don't think so.

Last blog, I wrote that I had disposed of a boyfriend and was possibly on the verge of acquiring another. Obviously that didn't pan out. I guess he wasn't that into me. Am I broken-hearted? No. I didn't know this guy well enough to really get to like him, so when we lost contact, it wasn't that bad.

But I'm frustrated. Not because I feel that I need a partner. I've been alone so long I'm used to it, I guess.

What bugs me is that everywhere I look, I see ordinary people paired up. Every time I log on to check my e-mail or the headlines, there's yet another article on finding true love. Or how to find out if he's going to pop the question. Or the secret to "lasting love." These articles bug me for two reasons. One is, why are they always geared to the woman's point of view? Is it only the women's concern to find and keep a relationship?

The other reason is that I'm the ant. I don't think there's anyone out there for me. I'm tired of waiting and looking and hoping. I'm just going to stay outside the group for the rest of my life, running around in circles.


NEXT: Dan: The Discussion
Comments (9) | Post a comment now »

 
Nora, You're just the kind of woman I would love to get to know. Walks on the beach holding hands, especially in the moonlight. You're gorgeous woman and don't forget that! Man that would love to be with Nora.
Posted by Want a Nora 04/13/09 4:59 PM
 
I know exactly what you are going through. I am 29 years old and have been single for years now. Its hard to watch your girlfriends get married, go on fancy vacations with their guys etc while you are home alone. It hurts to always have to do things alone. I dont need a man...I just want one. Is that wrong? I dont think I would know how to act on a date because I havent been on one in so long. Is there a Soul Mate for everyone? Thats what I want to know. Should I just give up? Im a fair looking girl but guys dont even look my way. Why is that? Its sort of depressing at times. I try to remain positive but how much more can I take? Im tired of spending the holidays/birthdays, cold days and any other day alone. TIRED.
Posted by Kelly 04/09/09 8:20 PM
 
im a sophmore in college n many times i do feel dat im ready 4 a serious relationship..ive never been in 1 b4..da thing is dat every time i find a possible candidate i find myself finding little things dat turn me off..idk if i jus have high standards or if im attracting da wrong men..
Posted by me 03/30/09 5:17 PM
 
I know exactly what you're talking about!! I love the metaphor of the Noah's ark. I am 26 and it seems that all my friends are married or well on their way. I feel like such an out cast. I too have been alone for quite some time and I don't feel I need a man to define me or make me whole, but I want to share my life with someone. There is a big difference between needing something and wanting something though. The other day I was talking with my girls and they had mentioned that it just seemed that all the guys these days are married or gay. So really where does that leave us singletons right? Well in my opinion there are still going to be those great guys that are going to be married eventually, so why can't that be us whom they are married to? It's all about timing. Our timing will come!!
Posted by Tesa 03/16/09 11:40 AM
 
Hey love! its interesting that I came across your blog...I feel exactly the same way at the moment....its rather awkward to always be the third wheel at all your friend's outings! I refuse to settle though, and although it can get rather tough/lonely, I try to just keep thinking the one one guy is just right around the corner :) Anyway good luck out there! Don't give up!
Posted by Jessica 03/16/09 9:14 AM
 
Don't get down on yourself! Just keep your head up and stay confident! You just haven't met the right person for you yet. You will meet the ONE when you least expect it. ( I know from experience) And you'll know that is the ONE when you want to be just like that person and that person just totally digs you. Even though you may feel a deep connection, if you are a love addict, it may not be right but stay on your game don't be cold but dont be too overbearing. One thing that is REALLY SEXY is confidence and mystery. One big NO-NO is rushing the relationship. Even if the strong feelings are mutual, take some time to really get to know each other, friends and family. if you don't, there could be some major issues dont the road (i admit this has also been an experience). In the mean time, just be good to yourself, single life isnt so bad, it just means you're independent and no one worthy of your love has met you yet!
Posted by YoungWifey 03/11/09 8:56 PM
 
don't be too discouraged. i've gone through, and am going through right now, the same feelings. i think that while we don't have our soul mates, our other animal in the pair, there are people out there that we fit with. the whole fun IS not having a pair! you get to date, grow in relationships, and learn from them. don't let it get you down. be strong~!
Posted by hollande 03/07/09 2:24 AM
 
well i think that yea there is a place for us single people but we all don't wanna be there that's y some of think that 1 nights will get u through hoping one day u might bump into someone who feels the same way u do then all of a sudden u get scared and run him off because someone broke your heart or hurt ur feels bad BUT HEY
Posted by jamie 03/05/09 9:06 PM
 
I love your metaphor about the ants, but maybe you shouldn't look at this negatively. Maybe instead of being the one out of line, you are the one who is unique, exploring the world instead of following along in a mundane single-file line. It isn't a man who will make you happy, it is you who will make you happy. Nice blog. Keep going and don't worry about Noah's ark because you are single and fierce! Stay Fierce, Kendall
Posted by Kendall 03/05/09 9:34 AM



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