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There’s a saying out there that “all the good men are either taken or gay.” In my line of dating it’s usually both. I consider myself well adept at many things in life but there are two things specifically that I am awful at: First dates and writing three neat paragraphs describing my life story that is witty and charming, yet insightful and smart at the same time. Plus I usually want everything to rhyme. At any rate, I’m Brian and I’m 27, which is really like 40 in gay years. I am currently single, and fierce. Well, almost fierce. I’m getting there. It’s a process.

I moved to New York a year ago from Utah and no, I’m not Mormon. I have a college degree in theater, so of course that means I’m working in Finance. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I single handedly ruined the economy. I watch far too much TV, specifically trashy reality shows, and eat far too much candy. My room is usually a mess and sometimes my hair is out of place (I know, so not gay). I match my underwear to my socks and my belt to my shoes. I’m amazing at karaoke and once broke my finger playing gay dodge ball. I’m almost always hungry. I love to laugh, love my friends, and am completely, utterly unsuccessful in love.

Now this isn’t for lack of trying. I have been in many relationships in my life—some of them long term, some of them short term, and some of them can’t really be described as ‘relationships’. I don’t profess to know everything there is about dating and love but have definitely had my share of experiences and odd moments. Dating in NYC is difficult, but I’m optimistic that the man for me is out there. I’m looking for a perfect 10 who has a thing for 7.5’s so if you know of anyone…

Dating in the gay world really isn’t that much different than dating in the straight world. We both face rejection, we both find the loves of our lives, and we both obsess about our outfits before going out for the night. However, I’m here to share my experiences in hopes that we can all stop dating the duds and start realizing our true dating potential. And if I teach you nothing else, I hope you’ll learn from me that it’s not okay to pursue a guy who, in the end, will break up with you via text message. But really, that should be a no brainer.

Brian: We We We....All the Way Home

Things with my "Guy" are still progressing at a nice pace.

We see each other at least bi-weekly, talk nearly every day, and he's been introduced to a few of my core friends. We've had our first sleepover, spent lazy Sunday's hanging out, and I'm very much enjoying the time we spend together.

However, I'm starting to get the feeling that taking things slow with him is only going to be able to last for so long.

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Brian: One Step at a Time

In the past, it would not have been unusual for me to meet someone and two weeks later be calling them my boyfriend. "I love you" said within a month? Absolutely.

Living together after two months? It's happened. I fully realize this is not the norm; that most sane people are fine with casual dating and not as quick to jump from 0 to relationship in no time flat. Quite frankly I've never had the patience for causal dating and would prefer to skip those awkward first moments anyway. I mean really, how many times in the span of a month can one person tell their entire life story?! Since living in New York, however, I've noticed that people are not as eager to be in relationships and I've begun to see that their dating attitude has worn off on me a little.

Casual dating is the trend here and recently I've begun dating someone who has helped me to realize that taking things one step at a time isn't such a bad thing after all.

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Brian: First Date Disaster

I feel like I am well adept at many things: I'm a very good kisser. I rock at karaoke. I can hopscotch with the best of them. I quote "Sex and the City" like nobody's business. I also think I'm an awesome date.

I may suck at maintaining a successful relationship, but if there's one thing I know, it's how to give good date. I know when to laugh at the appropriate times, when to use flirting for my benefit, and how to look effortlessly put together (even though I really spent an hour and a half getting ready). I did not, however, learn all of this over night. It was only after years and years of being a horrible first date that I learned what to and what not to do.

Recently I've had a string of disaster first dates where I've realized that the people I'm dating do not know how to give good date. There was "Chew With His Mouth open" guy, "Pervy Staring" guy, and "Mean to Old People" guy who I'm still in awe over. Every old person is someone's grandma! But I digress. I wish I had a manual I could give potential first dates: Here is how you should act on our date.

Actually...that's not a bad idea...

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Brian: Hurts So Good

The painful lessons of love.

By now most everyone has heard of the book, and the subsequent movie, He's Just Not That Into You. The main point of this book is a concept that sometimes there's no other reason things don't work out in a relationship besides the fact that the guy just isn't into you. However, sometimes this is a concept I refuse to accept. I've had moments in my dating career where it's painfully obvious things aren't going to work out, yet I pine away and relish in the fact that I have an "unrequited love." I obsess, write sappy love songs, and confess my love to all of my friends, all the while having nothing going on with the guy. Eventually I manage to get over it a little but from then on the guy is known as "the one who got away," which is ridiculous considering there wasn't even anything there in the first place! So why do I do this to myself?

I've come to learn over the years that when it comes to love, 'glutton for punishment' seems to be my middle name.

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Brian: Someday My Prince Will Come

A fateful meeting

I've played out the scene a million times in my head: I'm at Starbucks, it's the early morning rush, and all I want is my daily coffee. Then I see him, a few people ahead of me in line -- tall, dark hair, blue eyes, one part nerd, two parts preppy, and three parts model. I contemplate giving a little flirt, but it's early and I simply don't have the energy to try and get his attention.

I order my Grande coffee, room for milk and sugar please, and step to the side to wait. The barista yells out "Grande coffee!" and I approach, anxious for the Caffeine boost that I so desperately need. I go to grab the coffee and suddenly I see another hand reaching for it. I look up, and it's him -- my boyfriend from the line. "Oh I'm sorry," I say. "Go ahead." "No, I insist," he counters. "I can wait for the next one." I'm taken aback by his beauty and stammer "you were here first." He persists and says "nonsense. It's yours, and it's on me." Then we fall madly in love, adopt 2.5 kids from Cambodia, and live happily ever after.

Oh, if only meeting someone was that simple.

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Brian: Deal or No Deal?

Throughout my dating history, I've had varying levels of success. There have been times when I'm dating multiple people, when I'm in a long-term relationship, and also times when I'm happily single. The instances when I happen to have a plethora of men around, I decide that it's okay for me to be a picky dater.

I'll go on a few dates with someone, pull out the checklist, and if he doesn't match every criteria on there he's no longer a contender for my attention. I don't mind being single, but when it turns into an uncomfortably extended period of time I suddenly come to the point where I realize "oh crap, I can't be picky anymore." I accept the fact that unless I want to stay single forever, I'll have to take a few points off my list.

However, I've come to learn that there are a few criteria and deal breakers that should never, under any circumstances, leave the list.

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Brian: Let's Just Be Friends

Finding the perfect words to end things.

Allow me to set the scene for you: It's Valentine's Day and I'm in the third grade. It's early afternoon, in Mrs. Miller's classroom, and we're getting ready to hand out our cards. I've placed my He-Man Valentine's out in front of me and have carefully and methodically picked one for each member of my class. Ann Swartz is mean to me, so she receives the one with Skeletor on it. Jarett Myers is my best friend, so clearly I'll be giving the "By the Power of Greyskull, you're an awesome friend!" to him. And then we have Katie McBride -- the most popular girl in our third grade class and the love of my pre-pubescent heart. I had saved the best one for her, "I think you're She-Ra-riffic!" and taped candy hearts to the card detailing my feelings with sayings like "UR 2 CUTE" on them. The moment of truth came, and we exchanged cards with one another. She took one look at mine, smiled, and then handed me hers. Care Bears.

I looked down, and read the worst phrase an 8-year old in love could read: "Will you be my Friend-Bear?"

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Brian: Time After Time

Is finding the one really all about timing?

Time is a funny concept. Time can be "on your side," or you can have "bad timing." One may have "too much time on their hands" or be "racing against the sands of time." They may want to "Turn Back Time" or have the "Time of Their Life." But when it comes to dating how much does time, or more specifically timing, factor in? It has come to my attention recently that picking the wrong guys or saying the wrong things isn't why I don't have a boyfriend. The reason is timing. Oh yes, timing.

Timing is out to get me and it's the baddest bitch of all.

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Brian: Chronicles of My Man Fast

I really hate January. The joy of the holidays have worn off, the days are grey and dreary, the nights cold and lonely. Even worse, all of the great guys seem to be in hibernation. January is also the time of year when New Years resolutions are made, kept, and lost. After a recent string of dating disasters and "this is going nowhere" relationships I decided to make my own New Years resolution -- a Man-Fast. A Man-Fast is essentially a diet from men, in hopes of changing my dating karma and adopting a new positive approach. Clearly my actively pursuing guys and a relationship wasn't working if I told the universe "Hey! Universe! I'm single and fierce! Send me a guy!" would I find Mr. Right or even Mr. Right Now?

I took the liberty of journaling my experience in hopes of gaining some insight after the fast was complete.

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