Al B: Second Chances

Second chances. Do we all deserve them?

Clearly, there are some acts so heinous that even the most forgiving amongst us would have a hard time offering the opportunity, but when is it warranted? Am I ever obligated to give a second chance? How many "second chances" are enough? Recently a few prominent news stories brought that to mind - the sentencing of Chris Brown, the re-entry of Michael Vick to the NFL and the death Sen. Ted Kennedy. Why them you ask? Each involves the idea of a second chance.

After being convicted and sentenced for assaulting Rhianna, twenty year-old Chris Brown is now looking to family, friends, and the public for a second chance. Will he get it?

Amid much controversy, Mike Vick has been given a second chance to play pro football after serving time for his role in a dog-fighting ring. Will he take advantage of it?

Early in Sen. Kennedy's career he was involved in incident referred to as "Chappaquiddick" that could have ended all of his political aspirations. He got his second chance and took full advantage of it. And at his death, some 40 years later, he was hailed as one of the greatest political figures in American history.

These are just a few examples of how second chances can play a role in one's life, but how does the concept work in your world? Not much in this life is certain beyond death and taxes, but you can add this to the list - There will be at least one point in your life when you will be asked for a second chance and you will ask to be given one. Whether in love, at the job or from family/friends - it WILL come up.

How will you handle it?

Al B: Feedback

Over the few months I have been writing this blog, I have received some interesting feedback, comments and questions... to say the least. So, I wanted to take the time to address a few of your comments.

Keep reading to see my answers to a few of them, and write-in your own below, too.

Posted Megan M. 08/20/09 10:51 AM
"I have been with my husband for six yrs. and we have two little boys together. When we first started to go out, this girl started to tell my boyfriend at that time that I was messing around on him when i wasn't... It pissed me off because i didn't do anything wrong. Then the next thing i know he started to accuse me of cheating on him. And I kept telling him 'I'm not doing anything wrong- why wont you trust me.' he just looked at me. And i told him if you keep accusing me of doing something I'm going to do it, i might as well do it to give you something to accuse me of... so i did. here we are now...5 and half yrs. later, and we both still remember it. I cant forgive myself for doing it. It was that one time, and i haven't done it again. but my baby don't believe me. I have tried everything that i can think of. I mean, am i doing anything wrong. Can anybody HELP ME to convince my husband i haven't done anything wrong...not even cheating on him please... I'm begging you please give some advice."

Click here to read more.

Al B: Jealous Much?

In my last blog, I challenged you to take a look inside and see just how jealous you are, if at all. How'd you do?

After a week of honestly monitoring your actions - are you ready to admit that you are jealous? Or at least have jealous tendencies?

It's a small first step, but a very important one - owning up to your problem by acknowledging there is one. Step two is taking responsibility for your actions. No one makes you jealous. You make you jealous. Whether it's you who displays the jealous behavior or your beau--or if you both jealously dote over each other-- jealousy is a symptom of a larger problem, not the actual issue. Rather, it's just another way insecurity manifests itself.

Insecurity is quite common and most of us have moments when those feelings push to the surface. But it's how we choose to deal with these moments that determine if we are emotionally mature adults or slaves to our adolescent feelings. I have learned to live peacefully with my little green monster and so can you!

Here are a few tips to help you tame your inner jealous beast:

Al B: Jealous Is What Jealous Does...

Are you a jealous person?

If not, Facebook will certainly make you jealous - not only Facebook, but other social/networking sites too. Well that is the case according to a new study conducted by the University of Guelph (Ontario, Canada).

The research suggests that people involved in romantic relationships while on websites like Facebook will likely encounter images and information about their lovers that will instigate jealousy. Moreover, the various posts by a mate will encourage a "jealous" partner to intensify his/her online scrutiny. The behavior becomes "addictive," creating a negative cycle that invariably destroys relationships.

Hogwash. Balderdash. Bu!!$h!t. Oh, there is no question that social networking sites are teeming with jealous lovers and obsessive exes BUT "FaceSpace" type sites do not create jealous people any more than watching Ellen makes you gay. If you are a jealous person, social sites are just another weapon in the arsenal to pull from. Jealousy is nothing more than an outgrowth of insecurity and emotional immaturity. And this comes from someone who admits his jealous tendencies.

But before I can help, it is important to identify the signs:

Al B: Conflict!

Over the last couple of weeks, there has been a lot of brew-ha-ha over the "Beer Summit," the cutesy name given to President Obama's meeting with Dr. Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Cambridge, Massachusetts police sergeant James Crowley.

The gathering was designed to make peace between all parties after Gates' arrest for disorderly conduct at his home on July 16th and Obama's subsequent comments that the police "acted stupidly" regarding the arrest. And no matter how you feel about the initial incident, what the President said or what other public figures have said about the respective sides, a significant statement was made: the importance of coming together to address conflict.

All too often these days, we run from conflict, ignore it or (even worse) aggravate situations with anger. This decision usually creates escalation that could have been diffused, healed or at least fostered understanding instead of conflict.

In the same vein, running away from conflict solves nothing either and can also make your life miserable. For example, you know there is an issue between you and a friend, and instead of addressing it, you avoid her. And every time you want to go some place you have to ask: "Is she going to be there?" All the stress and headaches just trying to steer clear of your friend will drive you crazy. Trust me, "having words" with someone can be intense and difficult for the moment, but nothing like anxiety involved in constantly avoiding the person.

Some believe by ignoring a situation, it will just go away - it almost never happens that way. When you ignore a problem with a friend, family member or a co-worker, a small misunderstanding can grow until it becomes a serious problem. It is not easy to tell someone: "Hey look, I know I messed up" or "I didn't like the way you spoke to me in that meeting," but that seemingly awkward moment is nothing compared to the resentment that can fester in you or the person that feels wronged. This is one of those times when you get to prove how grown up you really are.

Confronting conflict is a step in the right direction, but it is not that simple - there is a way to do it and way not to. Jumping in someone's face, or telling him or her off in an email, or sitting around with an "I wish she would" attitude is NOT the way to resolve conflict. In fact, it's the best way to insure that the issue will escalate. You are right for wanting to deal with the situation, but your approach is key.

Here are three items to keep in mind next time you want to address a disagreement:

Al B: Are You a Hater?

Last week, due to the increasingly overwhelming misuse of the term "hating," I felt it was my duty to officially define the term - exclusively on tyra.com - to test your ability to identify real incidents of hating.

Now it's time to go over the results and see how you did! But first to refresh your memory, here's the definition:

Hating (to hate on) - the act of passively or aggressively criticizing, limiting, preventing, humiliating, or otherwise tearing down another person, group and/or entity due to jealousy and/or to raise or maintain one's self-esteem and/or social/professional standing. (A hater - a person who engages in hating - see above).

The choices were A) for "Hating," and B) for "Not Hating." Remember we are grading on the honor system!

Al B: It's Not Hating If You're The !@#$%&@!

I am so tired of hearing people, who are clearly in the wrong, complain that people are "hating" on them.

No. You messed up. Your behavior, your comments, your actions were inappropriate and people just let you know it - that's not hating, that's cool. People have gotten so comfortable using the ubiquitous term over the years, that it's true meaning has been lost. I guarantee, someone reading this right now thinks I'm hating on them!

So, for the record, I am now going provide the official definition of hating to be used from today 'til the end of time, exclusively here on Tyrashow.com!

Hating (to hate on) - The act of passively or aggressively criticizing, limiting, preventing, humiliating, or otherwise tearing down another person, group and/or entity due to jealousy and/or to raise or maintain one's self-esteem and/or social/professional standing. (A hater - a person who engages in hating - see above).

That thorough definition should clear up any confusion on the subject. But in case it does not, I have crafted a pop quiz to test your ability identify a real hater.

Choose A) for "Hating," and B) for "Not Hating."

Al B: Get Green

My buddy Kermit D. Frog says "it's not east being green." And though I feel for my little friend, it's not as hard as it may seem to be green.

President Obama recently spoke at the G8 Summit about the importance of nations and their leaders to take steps to prevent further climate change and environmental decay around the globe, while insuring healthier, longer lives for all of us. He also acknowledged that there will be obstacles to global action, due to the political complexities and national concerns of individual countries.

What the hell does that mean? Well, it means that if we wait solely for governments of the world to act, we risk living in a world where WALL-E will have to come to our rescue! So as we await bold action by leaders around the world, the responsibility falls to us. If we are going begin to live with greater respect for the world given to us and improve our own day-to-day living conditions, we can't just wait for politicians to fix the problem.

Here are actions we can all take that may seem small but can really make a difference!

Al B: Summer Check-In

Are you doing you?!

Back in May, I issued a challenge to all of you. It was THE Summer "Do U" Challenge! Remember? I asked you to try something new or find a different way to do a favorite summer activity. Ohhhh yeah - well, now that summer is in full swing it is time to check-in!

So consider this a sort-of mid-term exam.

Al B: You Are Not Alone...

A week ago today the world lost an Icon.

And while the complete circumstances are still being sorted out, those of us touched by Michael Jackson are left to deal with the loss. Some of us have watched wall-to-wall coverage on news networks and video channels, others retreated to a quiet place, listened to some of his music - maybe even toasted to his life with a friend or two.

My experience was a bit surreal. I was actually on the air when news started to leak out and had the unfortunate responsibility of relaying the news to folks who had not yet heard. That duty and the gravity of the story, delayed my ability to really take in the news. Once I got home, I grabbed a bottle and was able to relax a bit and it all started to sink in a little more as I watched the news and read updates on Facebook. It also hit home a little more when I was asked to write a quote for a local newspaper. As I waited for friends to join me, I began to sip on my Moscoto and wrote the following statement: