While I was attending Hampton University (VA), a young woman who was also a student there gained national notoriety when she got caught up with the wrong guy and ended up being sentenced to 25 years without parole on drug trafficking charges.
Kemba Smith was not a drug dealer. She was just a girl who fell for a guy -- a bad guy. And though there were early signs that he was bad, Kemba was blinded by love and before she knew it she was in controlling and abusive relationship. By time she figured out who he really was, she was a wanted fugitive. So when her boyfriend was murdered, Kemba became the target of government prosecution.
I was reminded of Kemba's story recently while reading news out of my hometown of Philadelphia, that more and more women (many single mothers) are being sent to jail for legally buying guns, but illegally giving them to husbands, boyfriends or significant others who would not be able to legally obtain guns on their own.
Whether it's the women featured in the newspaper or Kemba Smith, these stories are not new.
All too often, young ladies with promising futures get caught up in love and/or a lifestyle with destructive consequences. Sure, there are women who make conscious choices to run with guys that live on the wrong side of the law. For whatever reasons, they knowingly choose to put themselves in romantic relationships that can end with them in jail or in the ground. But more so, I believe young women find themselves in these detrimental relationships because they didn't trust their own inner voice. Love, or the appearance of love, can make you ignore all kinds of things. Nine times out of ten, something inside you said, "this isn't right... I'm not sure what it is, but I have a bad vibe about this."
It could be a smile, how he makes you laugh, or really great sex. Whatever it is; it makes you ignore that "get the #@&! out" alarm that you are born with -- your intuition. Unfortunately, it's only after there is a problem that you look back and realize the signs were there all along. But ladies, I implore you to listen to that voice. And if you don't take its advice, at least listen to the questions it raises.
"Why do all these strange guys come to his place at all hours?"
"How can he afford all these nice things?"
"Why can't he get a gun himself, and why does he feel the need for a gun anyway?"
Of course, these aren't the only questions and it's possible that there are reasonable answers to all of them. Just know that your inner voice is asking these questions for a reason and you need not move forward in the relationship until you have answers that you are completely comfortable with. "You know how it is," or "Trust me baby," are not answers that should shut off the alarm.
Love, and being in love is a beautiful thing, but it is not around every turn. Before you can be in love with someone, you must first love yourself. And even if he really, truly loves you and would do anything for you -- it doesn't mean you should be putting his gun in your purse.
Too many times, women ready for love jump at the first sign of affection -- not noticing the first sign was really stop.
Kemba's Story
kembasmithfoundation.com
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