Recently, Tyra conducted a social experiment giving us a view of people's prejudice towards those who are overweight.
It was clear to me early on that the hatred displayed by the women on the show was not a result of anything done by those they would call "fat," rather it was a reflection on them and their self-hatred. The fear and self-hate were worn as prominently as a hot new bag with matching shoes! All forms of broad based hate stem from some form of insecurity and fear. Something they lack inwardly manifests itself outwardly as hate and since insecurity itself is irrational, the product of it can't help but reflect that. So when the guest Diana says, "fat people are lazy and disgusting" or Nikki stands up and yells "LOOSE THE WEIGHT!" They are actually yelling at themselves.
Tyra aptly pointed out that the anger was so intense because they are mad at themselves for once being overweight and afraid that it would happen again.
It's no accident that Nikki and Diana were ridiculed during most of their "overweight" lives and now, in turn, hate "fat" people. They were told they were fat and they were not good enough. Nikki and Diana were chastised for their weight and claim to be better for it and now they want to "help" other people the same way they were. The problem is; while they are thinner for it, they are NOT better for it. Instead of actually offering help, they now dish out hate. As a society it's a simple equation fat=bad/thin=good -- never thinking about the internal emotional state of a person.
We were all made differently. Some of us are big, some small, some of us have fast metabolisms, some slow, some of us look exactly the we want all the time with little effort and others of us have to try really, really... really hard to achieve our fitness goals (me!). Think about how boring it would be if we were all the same size and build -- we are different for a reason and those differences should be celebrated, not excoriated.
That said, there is a difference between being big, beautiful and healthy and being dangerously overweight. Being too heavy could have lethal consequences. Both my mother and father's side of the family have issues with obesity. I have seen complications from obesity (diabetes, hypertension, high blood pressure etc) take the lives of one of my grandmothers, two aunts, a great uncle and several cousins -- so I totally understand how some people want urge folks to take better care of themselves. But I ask you this: is your motivation to approach someone about their weight coming from a place of hatred and insecurity, or from one of love and concern?
Your sister has been gaining a lot of weight and you feel like you should say something:
"OMG, you are getting so fat! You can't be happy? What's wrong with you? I'm just saying..."
OR
"Sis, I have noticed you have gained weight and I'm worried about you. I love you and want you around as long as possible. What can I do?
You and an overweight co-worker are having lunch and she makes a joke being on another diet and not liking her food:
"Yeah girl, I was gonna say, you are looking kinda fat these days, for real. But at least you're trying to do something about it..."
OR
"I know changing your eating habits can be hard. If you need some encouragement or a workout partner let me know, I'd be glad to help."
An awesome Tyra Show reader -- and her pastor -- provided me with the perfect wrap to this blog. (from Tracy, posted 09/23/09 6:47 AM): "My pastor summed it up best. Before you speak, THINK: T - Is it thoughtful? H - Is it helpful? I - Is it inspiring? N - Is it necessary? K - Is it kind?"
So next time you feel the need to check someone, pause, look inside yourself and THINK -- the person you may really need to check, is you.
