Mon. Oct 05, 2009 | 2:01 PM

Al B

Joe Wilson. Kanye West. Two names all over the news for speaking their mind in a moment they saw fit, and they have each since apologized.

Whether you believe their actions/words were justified or not, I think you would be hard pressed to find anyone who believed them to be appropriate - because they were not. Both circumstances involved a violation of written rules or unspoken etiquette or both.

Ok, so some people with some status did some things that were messed up, what does that have to do with me, you ask? Well, nothing - yet everything. We all know someone (maybe its us) who proudly proclaims, "I keep it real! I tell it like it is and if people don't like it - oh well. I'm going to be me!" Blah, blah, blah... What's wrong with that, you ask? The problem is that when people decide they are going speak their mind no matter what, it becomes an act of utter selfishness.

They decide in that moment that whatever is on their mind is so important to them, it must be shared without regard for the situation, the people or feelings involved.

*Your cousin decides that your birthday dinner is the best time to confront one of your friends about being a "ho."

*It's Christmas and your boyfriends's mother has cooked a special dinner and you mention that you cant eat her signature stuffing because it looks funny.

So where does this need to insert ourselves into everything come from you ask?

The Digital Age has given us the technology to capture our thoughts and beliefs - with a single click we can record opinions, leave comments saying anything-- on any subject. It has become so easy, in fact, that we take that same online interaction out into the real world. I believe we have forgotten all about manners, or how to be polite, or display decorum and tact. We have gotten so accustom to offering our opinion we neglected to check if anyone asked for it.

Clearly there are times when straight talk is needed, when brutal honesty is necessary and speaking up for yourself or for the truth is commendable. But there is also a time and a place for everything.

Next time the urge "to keep it real" hits you think about a few things.

Why do I feel the need to say this right now, what are my true reasons?
Is this the appropriate time or place to address "this?"

By speaking out, will I make myself bigger than what's going on around me?
Am I about to help the situation or just make it worse?

Neither you nor I have been hired by the "keep it real" police, so its not our job to go around giving people a piece of our mind. Granted, I write this blog and host a talk radio show, so I am required to speak my mind in that context - but that does not mean when I'm not working that I go around telling people what's what.

And if I did, I should be called out - at the right moment, of course.


NEXT: Fat Hateration: The Final Frontier of Discrimination?
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Heyy Tyra, I'd like to say GO YOUUU!!! great job ,letting people recognize on important things. I'm 16 soon to be turning 17 and I've lost so much weight and I'm not happy with it, my size was average now its down to 105lbs ..I feel incredibly small but I'm doing the best I can to gain my weight and eat as healthy as possible, I hope to become a petite model someday and meet you in person. Another thing is your shows are really something, my favourite one would have to be the one about the nappy hair LOL, Thank you for airing that, it was amazing to see how many people do different things with the hair other wise use weaves, relaxer, other treatments. Anyway keep on with the gooodd episodes girl .
Posted by Layla 10/15/09 10:42 AM
 
Barbie is that all that you took out of tyra show that she is promoting obesity--do you understand that everyone will not be skinny or in shape--that is what makes up the world difference---do you prefer that she just leave out the fat people and everyone doesnt want to change so she includes everyone---be happy with self
Posted by Yolanda 10/08/09 11:32 PM
 
Ok I'm not saying Kayne wasn't wrong, but I think the whole situation was blown out of proportion like the way the media made it sound, if a person didn't see it u would have thought he tried to hurt her physically or murder her that's how much it was over exactrated it's not his first time saying something outrageous but it seems like when majiority agres with what he said it's fine but now since he did something that most thought was wrong he is such a bad person now. I mean plenty of ppl say things that shouldn't be said or do things that shouldn't be done but no one does this much to make sure everyone knows how horrible that person is. Everytime I turn on something it's talking about it. "OTHERS" have said things that were worse and nothing was said about them. People need to get over it.
Posted by Love 10/07/09 10:39 AM
 
Al B..I feel everything you are saying...I just made 18..YAYYY!!! so um, what's up with me and you..lol. no no just playing..anyway I love your writting..and keep it up..obviously your last of a dying breed...a person with good sense and manners
Posted by tamara 10/07/09 10:20 AM
 
Hello Tyra, I am a big girl, I weigh @ least 375 and I've been teased, taunted and made fun of, and it's nothing I can do about those people, all I can do it try to be the best me. All I can do is try to remember how I feel and felt when others put me down and cause me pain and pray that they find it in their hearts and minds to understand EVERYONE has their issues and problems. I love me, I want to be the best ME i can be. Yes I know I need to lose weight but not so that I can fit into "society's" standard of so-called beauty, but so I can live for my 3 and a half year old, so i can watch her children grow old, so I can have a life and be happy. I'm gonna be healthier for Me, not because I'm not beautiful, fine, sexy, and fantastic as I am at the weight i am at, but because physically, my body cannot continue to hold up and maintain this weight. What those women said were very CRUEL, NOT helpful or enlightening, just...dumb. If you wanna be that real with someone, you better make damn sure that you are perfect from head to toe, and since there ain't no such thing, sometimes we just gotta keep our damn trap shut!
Posted by Karen F. 10/06/09 7:38 PM
 
Im 16 year old and even i would not talk about someone like that,it is just wrong
Posted by Anonymous 10/06/09 2:47 PM
 
Tyra you where dead on key when you told those women that the problem was within them. you see at one time i was very small trying to gain and i looked at fat women as bad, and thought that no one ever had to be fat, large but not fat but now that i have finely gained and cant get rid of it i see different and think a lot different i wrote a book that's called the devil hates marriages it touch on a lot of things and those women who had a bad attitude should read it and learn a lot from it another thing i did not understand the lady in blue she was large and seem to not understand that it may not be so easy to loose what she have i thought that i would after my third child but it did not happen and my problem is that i don't eat nor sleep so my body don't know what to do my reason for not sleeping is that i am always excited and can never stop thanking don't get me wrong i do manage to get a little sleep but not the proper amount and sometimes i forget to eat but i am educated now on obesity and had to find out first hand that everyone who's over wait isn't lazy and don't just sat and eat thank you for the show.
Posted by Cynthia Addison 10/06/09 12:03 AM
 
We all know anorexia, bulemia, and exercise bulemia are serious mental and physical diseases. So is obesity, in men, women, and children. I'm curious as to why Tyra is borderline promoting obesity as self love. It would be better to promote self love through a healthy lifestyle. An obese lifestyle is immoral when there are children involved. I have students who can't read aloud and breath at the same time because they are so obese. Forget P.E. they can't do it. We are talking second graders at 150+ lbs. Terrible.
Posted by Barbie 10/05/09 4:56 PM
 
I think when other people call bigger girls fat and make them feel bad about there self that they are really just jelous of something that you got and they don't got or they are really unhappy with there self so if they put others down it makes them happyer with them self. It only work if you let them if you don't let them put you down then it just make them mad at there self because it did work so the enjoy ment they get from putting you down makes then not want to do it any more so when someone gives you dirty look or calls you fat just say whatever with you hand up in the air and smile at them NICE MATTERS my mom all ways told me and kill them with kindness
Posted by Sammie 10/05/09 4:25 PM
 
Hi there I just would like to say GO TYRA!!! because it is about time some one call those people out on how rude and mean that they can be. I mean I am heavier set young woman and be struggling all my life with my weight but I have accpected no matter if i loose 2lbs or 100 I will always be a havey set woman because of my body frame. I should be punished by rude remarks by people that choose to on look at the outside instead the inside, ever heard of never judge a book by it cover. Just because I am bigger then most woman doesnt mean I am lazy or stupid or dont deserve the job of my dreams or the man of my dreams. I am a very active person I was in athleteics all four year of High School I grad. top 10 % percent of my class a texas scholar at that and I am engaged to the most wonderful man in the world and he is far from being a heavy set guy he is tall and skinny and he is the militay and I think that grl nikki should have never used that because the air force recuitered told her she was fat she lost weight .. she sould have not use that excuse to justife her reasons for being so rude and plain out rude to women.. In all people should just know when to bite the tongue and be quite because you dont know when people are juding you as well and you dont like so dont set a double standard.
Posted by LettyJo 10/05/09 3:59 PM
 
Tyra, I totally agree that overweight and obese people should not be made to feel bad about themselves. While I agree that no one should feel bad about themselves, I think that everyone should be educated on the dangers of being overweight and obese. Everyone knows that you can have heart problems from eating junk all the time, but I don't think everyone REALLY understands the concept. I have been relatively small all of my life and I didn't really, really realize the dangers until I majored in health in college. Also, while I love your shows (especially Top Model), I have to say that I feel you were being hypocritical when it came to the topic of putting the skinny woman in the front of the office. The reason I say this is because you put the skinny woman "in the front of the office" by only allowing skinny people to model. Women can't be models without being extremely skinny, and if they are plus-sized models, they are small plus-sized models. In modeling, there is no celebration of all shapes and sizes. I remember there being comments made to a specific girl last season on Top Model because she gained weight during the show. That sounds like a double standard to me. I know that you felt strongly about this topic on the Tyra Show, but you have a different attitude to the viewers on Top Model. I feel that if you feel so strongly about this subject, you can make an even bigger impact through Top Model. I know that the modeling industry is tough and that you can't change it overnight. I feel, though, that if anyone can help the change of the attitudes, it is you Tyra. Just my opinion and I hope you really think
Posted by Jessie 10/05/09 3:56 PM
 
I understand that it is wrong to make fun of obese people but it is wrong to tell them that it is ok, your not fat. When they really are over weight and have a problem it should be addressed no questions asked. You are overweight and thats that now get healthy!
Posted by Craig 10/05/09 2:58 PM
 
I am upset because insulting obese people should be considered a hate crime. When you don't understand that it can be health issue & you do & say things to hurt people you have no idea how you make people feel. I am a 40 year old mother of five with health issues that cause me to be obese.
Posted by Elaine Moore 10/05/09 2:33 PM
 
I think it's really sad that in a blog about being respectful versus being selfish and calling others names (in essence), that there are commenters who are doing these exact things in their comments. Would you say those things face-to-face? And if you would, how would that make you any different from them?
Posted by Tina 10/05/09 2:21 PM
 
I just posted a comment but there is something else that I must say. I have to nieces that are thick and it is ignorrant people that make them feel they need to be on a diet. One niece is 5 and one is 12. I also have a niece that is 5'11 and weighs 120 lbs. Everyones body type is not the same. Everyone just needs to grow up and quit worrying about everyone else.
Posted by Mary 10/05/09 2:16 PM



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