Second chances. Do we all deserve them?
Clearly, there are some acts so heinous that even the most forgiving amongst us would have a hard time offering the opportunity, but when is it warranted? Am I ever obligated to give a second chance? How many "second chances" are enough? Recently a few prominent news stories brought that to mind - the sentencing of Chris Brown, the re-entry of Michael Vick to the NFL and the death Sen. Ted Kennedy. Why them you ask? Each involves the idea of a second chance.
After being convicted and sentenced for assaulting Rhianna, twenty year-old Chris Brown is now looking to family, friends, and the public for a second chance. Will he get it?
Amid much controversy, Mike Vick has been given a second chance to play pro football after serving time for his role in a dog-fighting ring. Will he take advantage of it?
Early in Sen. Kennedy's career he was involved in incident referred to as "Chappaquiddick" that could have ended all of his political aspirations. He got his second chance and took full advantage of it. And at his death, some 40 years later, he was hailed as one of the greatest political figures in American history.
These are just a few examples of how second chances can play a role in one's life, but how does the concept work in your world? Not much in this life is certain beyond death and taxes, but you can add this to the list - There will be at least one point in your life when you will be asked for a second chance and you will ask to be given one. Whether in love, at the job or from family/friends - it WILL come up.
How will you handle it?
There are no rules when it comes to giving or getting second chances, but there are some things to keep in mind.
It is purely up to you to decide, when, how or if you give second chances.
Just because your sister is ready to give your father a second chance doesn't mean you are and just because your friends like your ex and want you guys to give it another shot doesn't mean you have too. A second chance is not a weapon to be wielded over someone's head. Give someone a second chance or do not. Be clear on what it is that you need and expect from them moving forward and let them know the consequences if they don't follow through. But DO NOT use it to manipulate a person and do not make them jump through hoops as added punishment. Giving someone a second chance is about healing and forgiveness and if you are still in a punitive or vindictive mind state, there is no room for anything else.
If you are seeking a second chance you cannot dictate terms.
Just because you think you deserve a second chance doesn't mean one will be given. Second chances are most often earned, and it will take work on your part to get it and take full advantage of it. Keep in mind, however, seeking a second chance does not forfeit your right to be respected. It is ok to say, "I'm working hard here to fix things, but I don't think you are treating me right..."
Finally, there is no limit on second chances.
It is your prerogative to give your addicted cousin, your money borrowing friend or your birthday forgetting beau as many or as few chances as you see fit. Remember that a second chance is a gift - not a guarantee and should be respected equally whether giving or receiving.
And sometimes when no one else will, it's a gift that you have to give to yourself.
