Over the few months I have been writing this blog, I have received some interesting feedback, comments and questions... to say the least. So, I wanted to take the time to specifically address a few of your questions and comments.
Keep reading to see my answers to a few of them, and write-in your own below, too.
Megan M. 08/20/09 10:51 AM
"I have been with my husband for six yrs. and we have two little boys together. When we first started to go out, this girl started to tell my boyfriend at that time that I was messing around on him when i wasn't... It pissed me off because i didn't do anything wrong. Then the next thing i know he started to accuse me of cheating on him. And I kept telling him 'I'm not doing anything wrong- why wont you trust me.' he just looked at me. And i told him if you keep accusing me of doing something I'm going to do it, i might as well do it to give you something to accuse me of... so i did. here we are now...5 and half yrs. later, and we both still remember it. I cant forgive myself for doing it. It was that one time, and i haven't done it again. but my baby don't believe me. I have tried everything that i can think of. I mean, am i doing anything wrong. Can anybody HELP ME to convince my husband i haven't done anything wrong...not even cheating on him please... I'm begging you please give some advice."
Al B!: Megan it sounds like jealousy and insecurity has damaged yet another relationship. Starting with the girl that first told your man/husband that you were cheating, moving to your husband believing her. Now for the life of me, I have no idea why you would cheat on him as a way of dealing with his accusations of cheating! You clearly know now that was a mistake. Two things have to happen before the two of you can move towards a healthy relationship. 1) You MUST forgive yourself. You know what you did was wrong, you are truly sorry and you have apologized. Beating yourself up only leads to more hurt and not healing. 2) Your husband must decide if this is something he can get past. If he can, he needs to work on forgiving you and the two of you need to go to couples counseling and work on rebuilding trust. If he can't, then the relationship cannot be saved and the two of you need to part ways.
Crystal S. 06/25/09 9:24 AM
"Hi! me and my husband just got married feb 28 2009. we been together 2 yrs he has cheated on me twice but i cant help but to still love him. He said he would never do it again he is Hispanic and he been here for 14yrs in America ive done what i can to help get his papers i dont know who else to talk to but i feel alone and like know one cares to help me. why is it so hard to help the good ones but when he cheated on me the first time i went out and done the same with his friend do think that was wrong or right to get back at him or should i just left him alone."
Al B!: Crystal, it must be very difficult to be in a marriage and still feel alone. First, let me say that it is never good to "get even" with a partner/spouse - it never fixes the relationship, just makes things worse. And between the mutual cheating and his citizen status, I question the foundation of the relationship and his motives for being with you in the initially. One last thing, it is nearly impossible to have a mutually loving, healthy relationship when you get involved with someone thinking that you can help them, mold them or upgrade them.
Asmae 06/09/09 9:35 AM
"I used to have a friend that i really loved and respected i considered her as the other me till those last days when i figured out that my secrets had been told it hurts me a lot cause i did never hurt her or do anythin' bad to her but i can't tell her that i know she told my secrets to someone else i keep talkin' with her even it hurts and she keeps tellin' me that i'm her best friend and she won't let me down even if she did in my eyes she's nobody now but because she was a good friend i won't hurt her back and i won't tell her anythin' even it breaks me down every singl time i see her face or i hear her voice i feel like a stupid girl now i lost faith on every one even my self i can't trust anyone any longer... "
Al B!: Asmae, you should NEVER feel stupid for honoring a relationship/friendship you hold dear. If someone disrespects the bond (lies on you, talks about you behind your back, hits on your boyfriends etc.) of your friendship, that reflects negatively on them and NOT you. Losing a friend through a falling out can be hard. Sometimes it can be repaired and sometimes it can't, but even when it is, it's rarely the same. No one can make you stay friends, just like no one can make you stay in a relationship. I suggest you fall back from your friend for a while and after some time you may want to try to rebuild the friendship, or maybe not - either way, it's ok.
Thank you for reading and commenting on my blog posts! Whether you agree or disagree, I really do appreciate all posts, please keep them coming - 'cause you know I will!
