In my last blog, I challenged you to take a look inside and see just how jealous you are, if at all. How'd you do?
After a week of honestly monitoring your actions - are you ready to admit that you are jealous? Or at least have jealous tendencies?
It's a small first step, but a very important one - owning up to your problem by acknowledging there is one. Step two is taking responsibility for your actions. No one makes you jealous. You make you jealous. Whether it's you who displays the jealous behavior or your beau--or if you both jealously dote over each other-- jealousy is a symptom of a larger problem, not the actual issue. Rather, it's just another way insecurity manifests itself.
Insecurity is quite common and most of us have moments when those feelings push to the surface. But it's how we choose to deal with these moments that determine if we are emotionally mature adults or slaves to our adolescent feelings. I have learned to live peacefully with my little green monster and so can you!
Here are a few tips to help you tame your inner jealous beast:
• Know Who You Are: You must acknowledge that you are in fact insecure and there times when those insecurities are displayed through jealousy.
• Test Yourself: When you feel your jealousy meter rising, think about why it's happening. Why do you get uncomfortable when your boyfriend simply talks to another woman? When he walked into the other room, why did you have an urge to look at his cell phone? Be honest with yourself when you answer. Are you making things up in your mind or is there a real reason for your lack of trust?
• Address and Correct the Behavior: Nip it in bud. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that you will not allow these feelings to rule you or your actions. "I can't help it," is no longer an acceptable way to address your behavior. It is easier said than done, for sure - but the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
Moving forward, be emotionally honest with yourself and your partner.
Let you partner know when and what made you feel uncomfortable. And let him know that it will probably happen again because it is an internal issue and is in no way a reflection of his actions.
NOW, if you feel your jealousy is warranted because he cheated on you or has cheated in other relationships - you have a TRUST issue. This is different then being jealous because you're insecure. If you are in a relationship where you feel that you have to check a cell phone or find where he is at all times you need to:
1) GTFO! (of that relationship)
OR
2) Seek counseling to repair the issues of trust
There is NO healthy relationship in which jealousy plays a major role. NOT-A-ONE.
And ladies, if you are in a relationship where your man is always checking on you, looking through your things and trips out about "all guys you know," he does not love you - at all. In fact, that controlling type of behavior is often an early sign of an abusive relationship and one you to end immediately.
This whole issue is a lot easier to deal with once we realize that jealousy is not a sign of love or even caring for someone. After all, it's only a symptom of our own insecurity or lack of trust in a relationship--neither of which are healthy. While lack of trust is a problem you must sort out with your partner, your insecurities have more to do with how you see yourself. Remember that you are in control at all times and you can "help it."
So spend this next week knowing that your green monster is nothing more than a little cute pet that can be tamed with simple pat on the head.
