Al B: The Competition

This past weekend I volunteered as a marshal for the Penn Relays - the biggest track meet in the world outside of the Olympics and World Championships.

While on the track, I got to see boys and girls, women and men give it their all in the name of competition. While some argue that women don't compete as hard or as well as men, I know that's simply not true.

Women can be some of the fiercest competitors. But all too often, many women compete over the wrong things. Some (not all!) women are more concerned with "winning" the best man, "scoring" hottest new accessory, defeating a co-worker for the big promotion or having THE MVP wedding (Most Vainglorious & Pretentious).
Nothing wrong with wanting a great man, buying the latest "hot thing," wanting to move up at work or having a dream wedding... But what is your reason for wanting it? Competition is a tricky thing. Healthy, positive competition can push us to be better, to dig down and excel when we didn't think we had it in us.

It can also bring out the worst in us, making us negative competitors.

There are basically 3 types of negative competitors:

Scene Stealers - These ladies are drama on cue, ready to take the spotlight at a moment's notice. You know the type: She announces she's pregnant at your engagement party, or when your boyfriend just landed that great new gig, she tells you that her man is about to be made partner. Or, during your birthday party at the hottest spot in town, she steals all your time, complaining to you about her personal problems and keeping you from enjoying yourself.

Material Girls - If you want it, they'll get it. If you have it - they'll get it too, only bigger! They will do whatever it takes to always have the newest, biggest, richest and rarest. And God forbid you actually get something first and she can't get one - it kills her that you have it. And though she pretends to be happy for you, she is plotting on how to outdo you next.

Mean Girls -They are usually beautiful, talented and successful - or at least they want you to think they are. They are not satisfied having everything (because they're so insecure) -- they also want to make sure you don't get anything. In their minds, they cannot rise unless those around them are held down. They are proactive in veiling their insecurities. They will embarrass you at school; sabotage you at work and sleep with your man - all to prove that they are the best.

Can you identify with any of these behaviors? Maybe you are a little of all three some days. Now that you recognize negative behavior, you can turn it off. Start by re-evaluating what it means to win and who you have to beat in order to do so. In life, the greatest competition should be with yourself.

At the end of one of the high school 4x400 relay races, two young ladies that battled around the track came down to the tape. It was close and one girl fell as she crossed the finish line as the winner. With no teammates left on the track, the young lady that finished second helped the injured athlete to her get up and limp off the track. Good competition brings out the best in us.

NEXT: Jamie Foxx

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Posted by Tzgxhgfm 07/15/09 2:09 AM

hi tyra! it's hard to tell what type of people you are attracted to. when if someone have double side personality, she might be attracted to someone with one side of the personality, other time might attracted to someone who have the other side of the personality. anyway always attracted to someone in common not like random without any reason I think..

Posted by jan 04/30/09 4:57 PM

sorry my post was not easy to read: There are ten general symptoms: not learning from experience; no sense of responsibility; inability to form meaningful relationships; inability to control impulses; lack of moral sense; chronically antisocial behavior; no change in behavior after punishment; emotional immaturity; lack of guilt; self-centeredness

Posted by ------- 04/30/09 4:50 PM

I found a bit info like this: There are ten general symptoms: not learning from experience no sense of responsibility inability to form meaningful relationships inability to control impulses lack of moral sense chronically antisocial behavior no change in behavior after punishment emotional immaturity lack of guilt self-centeredness

Posted by ------ 04/30/09 4:38 PM

hi tyra! I think the worst type of people could know is the sociopath. how to find out if someone is sociopath or not. when with someone like that, feel like yourself has no value at all in his/her eyes..... guess because didn't really mean it at all when first started.

Posted by - 04/30/09 4:31 PM

Another great article!!! Trust me, I've seen all three. I really think that a lot of these behaviors come from severe insecurity about self or also the lack of a sense of self. It's really hard to determine all of the time what makes women compete with one another in the wrong ways. However, when women decide that they like themselves and are comfortable with "just being them", the best generally comes out - like the girl that helped her competitor limp off of the track. She knew she did her best, or maybe she didn't, but she accepted the fact that the other young lady's win did not devalue her effort or her. She did not take the lost personal but decided that she would learn from it and accept her lost. There definitely is something to be said for being an original and there definitely are some challenges in doing this, but the end result is well worth it!!!

Posted by Verlinda 04/30/09 12:07 PM

I LOVED Mr. Jamie Foxx!!! His enthusiasm is infectious!!!! He was so inspirational, and I am encouraged to live every day with joy!!!! Please have him on more. Sincerely, Sharon

Posted by Sharon 04/30/09 9:14 AM

I think these types of individuals are more heavily saturated in certain areas (such as your bigger cities) more so than others. If this type of nonsense is all that you have seen your entire life or all that you know then it will be a lot more difficult for you to break the cycle than say the “sheltered” small town girl...but that’s no excuse to continue the cycle, it has to start with someone, somewhere....so why not with you? By not following in the footsteps of the Scene Stealers, the Material Girls, or the Mean Girls, you automatically become immune to their foolishness and choose your "own" path. Motto to Live By: At the end of the day one has to realize that in order to change something (which includes but is not limited to ones character/behavioral patterns) she must build a "new model" that makes the existing model "obsolete". Just because a particular behavior is all that you have ever known does not mean that you also have to become that; dare to be different or take the road less traveled. Great Blog!

Posted by Andreana 04/30/09 7:50 AM

hello tyra my name is lashy and I want to know how can I be a model or how can I be on your show and how old do you have to be ?????

Posted by lashay 04/30/09 5:49 AM