Lucky me, I have a built-in diet bully!
I have two sisters, but sometimes I feel like I have three. Morgan is almost ten and appreciates a good Nintendo game and a Jonas Brothers' song and stays pretty much the same "wise beyond her years" kid she always is. But then there's the multi-faceted, multi-personality Corinne. At 21, Corinne is a spirited youth and just my luck is working on becoming a Nutritionist.
Ordinarily, this is a positive thing as one side of her personality is golden-hearted and genuinely caring. However, this weekend when she came to visit it was not the funny sweet side she brought with her -- it was the "Banshee on a Warpath" version that I know and love so much.
Armed with Greek yogurt, a baggie of wheat germ and a binder filled with charts, graphs and "fun facts," a scowling Corinne arrived at my door Saturday morning with Morgan in tow. She flopped my new treasure trove of dietary goodies on my kitchen table and instantly informed me how much time she spent agonizing over my spoils. Before I had a chance to thank her, Morgan piped in asking what was on the agenda for our little "slumber party." As soon as I told her a trip to the movies and some homemade pizza, the shrill screeches of a furious Corinne rang out, echoing off every wall in my apartment.
Before I could mention "part skim mozzarella" or "fat free crust," Corinne was all but using her offerings as projectile weapons. I managed to stammer out that our mother had suggested the night's menu herself, (note: my mother also works for a national weight loss chain.) "OHHHH MOM told you! Guess I didn't need to spend hours creating this then, honh?!" I'd angered it further and waved the white flag of retreat.
Hours later, Corinne had taken her leave of us and Morgan and I were catching a 4:45 showing of "Coraline." I had no intentions of cheating, but Corinne had no intention of letting me. While I've said previously that sweets are not my weakness, movie theater popcorn on the other hand, is. Morgan scurries back -- 3-D glasses in hand -- catching me as I'm picking up our movie snacks.
"That has no butter on it, right?"
Ah-ha -- so Corinne has sent a spy! I bark "NO!" and we head in to our movie. Of course the slender, active ten-year-old has armed herself with a slushy, half my popcorn and my all-time favorite candy -- Sour Patch Kids. I resisted the urge to throw diets and sisterhood to the wind and grab the entire package from the child's hands and run off shoving fistfuls of the soury confection in my mouth. But just one couldn't hurt. As soon as I made my request for one, Morgan shot back with a response.
"Okay, but just one. Sorry, it's not me!"
Grumbling, I snatched one and finished the rest of the film with no other hitches. The weekend rounded out swimmingly, and as a dessert to our homemade pizza, we dipped fresh fruit in chocolate. True to form, I was able to stop myself at just one and there was plenty leftover. Sunday, I delivered Morgan and the chocolatey treats back to my mom's house. Corinne was stationed at the kitchen table, awaiting our return.
"Well?" Thinking she was demanding to know how many chocolate-covered strawberries I'd managed to wolf down. Snarkily, I respond with: "I only had two, Corinne. So shut up." She rolls her eyes and nods, appeased enough, but then continues.
"So then -- where are the leftovers? You better have saved me some."
