Dealing with a "toxic" boss.
Hey, folks -- it's Christina from Team Tyra. As I'm sure you've noticed, I'm full of tales and stories, some of them are silly, some of them are sad but true and every now and then a useful one slips out. I'm hoping this will be just such a blog. In this economic state, everyone has at least a little tension when it comes to their jobs -- including higher-ups who you know as your "bosses." Since bosses are just as stressed out as we are, it's not uncommon for them to put a little extra pressure on us -- but there is a limit to that.
I should know...
In my decade of working I've been everything from a cocktail waitress at Dave & Buster's to "Jane-of-all-trades" at a fledgling internet television company. But my first "big girl" job out of college was a wrong fit from the start. I studied film and pop-culture in college -- let's just say this first job was the exact opposite of creative. But yet, in an attempt to be independent and do a good job, I started out my working life bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. In the beginning, I had someone between me and the "toxic" boss, and I had but one question about my direct supervisor, "what the eff is this woman's problem?!" She seemed stressed out all the time and the littlest mistake was cause for alarm. I truly thought her problem was me until my supervisor went on an extended leave of absence, leaving me directly under Ms. Toxic.
At first, it was just extra work and that was expected, being that we were down a person but then she started asking me to do ridiculous things -- like come in to an un-air conditioned office on a sweltering July day to move furniture. (Mind you, I was an administrative assistant, not a professional mover.) Still I thought it was outlandish, but still my responsibility. Then she showed her less than sensitive side -- when a co-worker's family member passed away and I expressed shock and sadness she told me to grow up. Not knowing any better, I let the comment go.
Eventually, a new supervisor came in and stepped between me and Ms. Toxic, but this only seemed to intensify my boss' deep dislike of me. She now made a habit of pulling me in her office and telling me everything I did wrong constantly and roll her eyes if I mentioned something I did right. It was so tense up in there that I would spend the day shaking and nauseous with worry that I would screw up -- which eventually became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I would hear Ms. Toxic berating me to my supervisor and she never, ever would come directly to me with constructive criticism, which led me to believe it wasn't something about me she was trying to change, instead I just think she liked to vent about her exasperation. She would call us in to her office by hollering our names and if I showed up thinking she was calling me she would look at me with disdain and say "uh, no -- not you." Needless to say, I would leave with knots in my stomach and cry on my way there.
The final straws came when two of my family members passed away.
A great aunt over the summer had me out for a day, which she seemed to allow me graciously. I diligently answered the phone calls and e-mails if they came in. Two months later, I lost my grandfather and despite finding out in the middle of the night, I came in to organize myself and ask for the time off in person. Though I was going to miss the first wake for fear of "pushing" my time-off limitations, her response to my request for Thursday and Friday off was: "someone died over the summer too, is this the same person?"
Work was not fun. Even my co-workers were shooting me sympathetic looks and I know they felt it too. Every day before a holiday or exceptionally nice summer Friday, we'd receive e-mails from the "powers that be" in the company that we were free to leave early. Ms. Toxic made us stick around every last time which is understandable to an extent, but when rewards are dangled over employees' heads that way it goes beyond needing to burn a couple of extra hours. When I finally had enough, I visited a friendly human resources rep who's jaw dropped especially at the tale about my deceased grandfather. She confided in me that the department had seen so much turn over since Ms. Toxic took over the reigns and that's when it hit me -- it's not me, it's her.
Despite being very young and green to business, I realized that there is a limit when a boss's behavior becomes abusive.
Being fresh on the job doesn't give someone the right to make you feel hopelessly stupid or ill-equipped to handle your position or just plain out bullied. It's been several years and I think of all the happy and proud moments I've had on jobs since. It's not always fun, and I've had struggles since but I've never felt HOPELESS.
Keep in mind that it is a boss's job to be your confidant as well as your mentor. If you have someone who's a supervisor, they need to be your voice sometimes because they are the ones that work closely with you on the day to day -- a higher-up might not understand everything that is going on in the workplace because they are not in the thick of it all the time. A good way to stay on track is to ask for progress reports every now and again and feedback to help you do the best you can.
To share stories like this and other office place puzzlers, join the Work Woes group in the Tyra Show community. Keep your head up and don't let the daily grind get you down!
