Wed. Dec 03, 2008 | 11:00 AM

How to get out of an abusive relationship -- with your BF, father or otherwise.

abuse.jpgHe tells you that you'll never be good enough or that you'll never amount to anything. He calls you names, criticizes your body or says that you're stupid. And he makes you question yourself and your value. Sound familiar? If these words, actions or circumstances are coming from the man you love -- whether he's your boyfriend, your father or another man in your life -- you may be the victim of emotional abuse.

Unlike physical or sexual abuse, there are no scars or physically painful acts that you can point to as harmful. But emotional abuse is just as painful, scarring and damaging to your self-esteem -- and you, in all your amazingness, deserve sooo much better. Unfortunately, emotionally abusive relationships can leave you feeling powerless, even believing that he's right when he says you're not a valuable, good person.

But the most important thing you can do is realize your worth -- just like Summer (a.k.a. Christina) did when she decided to leave the sex industry and take back her life once and for all. Take a cue from Christina and her amazing bravery and allow yourself the right to live in an environment where your worth is acknowledged and respected. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

And deciding that you don't deserve this kind of relationship is the hardest part. But once you do decide to recognize your fabulousness and get help, just know that there IS support. That step will be all the more easy if you reach out for help and support. Here are a few resources:

National Council on Child Abuse and Family Violence:
1-800-222-2000

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence:
1-800-537-2238

National Women's Resource Center:
1-800-354-8824

Need more signs that you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship? Check to see if any of these apply to you:

  • He makes you feel like you're always wrong or everything's your fault.
  • He makes you think that you are of no value in the relationship.
  • You feel like you're intruding when you ask how his day was.
  • He says you're fat, stupid, ugly and no one wants or likes you.
  • He says you can't handle life without him.
  • He makes you feel like you can't try anything new.
  • You feel like you wouldn't be anyone without him.

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i've been with my guy for almost 6years & married for a year & ahalf. I just found out he cheated on me in the past 2years.latly he's made me feel like im not worth very much & he says im not going to find anyone better than him. The only time im allowed to leave the house is when he says i can go with him to the store & thats once in awhile. he acts like he doesnt want me but when i try to leave he makes me feel guilty. It may not seem like much but there's so much wrong. I'm trying to leave at the moment but i dont have money to get home. its hard for me to leave here even though it shouldn't. He makes it seem that everything i do is wrong.when he gets upset im the one who has to fix it for him. Why cant i look forward instead of staying still?
Posted by sylvia 12/16/08 8:34 PM
 
I've been with a guy for 1year on and off I'm not with him right were "just friends".but we act exactly how we use to when we were going out. I'm 16 and he says that we are not together because he's going to the army but he still tells me that he loves me.but sometimes I feel like he wants to hurt me because I hurt him about 4months ago but he tells me he would never do that to me but I feel like he will because I've caught him texting a girl on his cell phone but when I asked him about it he said that that girl texted him and that he loves me not that girl. he makes me so insecure sometimes the way he is with me.he tells me oh your going to fail all your classes. And that I'm not going to be a fashion designer. he sometimes makes fun of the way I dress and I confront him about it and he just tells me oh that's what I think .I don't kno if that's mental abuse but I just don't want to make a mistake and fall for the wrong guy
Posted by alejandra 12/15/08 8:05 PM
 
I've been with a guy for 1year on and off I'm not with him right were "just friends".but we act exactly how we use to when we were going out. I'm 16 and he says that we are not together because he's going to the army but he still tells me that he loves me.but sometimes I feel like he wants to hurt me because I hurt him about 4months ago but he tells me he would never do that to me but I feel like he will because I've caught him texting a girl on his cell phone but when I asked him about it he said that that girl texted him and that he loves me not that girl. he makes me so insecure sometimes the way he is with me.he tells me oh your going to fail all your classes. And that I'm not going to be a fashion designer. he sometimes makes fun of the way I dress and I confront him about it and he just tells me oh that's what I think .I don't kno if that's mental abuse but I just don't want to make a mistake and fall for the wrong guy
Posted by Anonymous 12/15/08 8:03 PM
 
I've been with a guy for 1year on and off I'm not with him right were "just friends".but we act exactly how we use to when we were going out. I'm 16 and he says that we are not together because he's going to the army but he still tells me that he loves me.but sometimes I feel like he wants to hurt me because I hurt him about 4months ago but he tells me he would never do that to me but I feel like he will because I've caught him texting a girl on his cell phone but when I asked him about it he said that that girl texted him and that he loves me not that girl. he makes me so insecure sometimes
Posted by mayra 12/15/08 7:57 PM
 
I've been on and off with a guy for two years now. Our last relationship, which lasted 3 months, ended at the begging of September, of this year. Since then we've only such as talked about being together again, and it didn't ever go through, nor was ever under serious consideration. With me being only 15 years old, I'm scared, because he is very abusve, when it comes to my emotions. He made me feel as if I had to be with him. As if I had no power. As if he was my only choice. And as if what he wanted from me, was something I just had to give him. I've been hidding this story from pretty much everyone, because there's always a thought we might get back together. But now. He doesn't want that. Having him as my boss for the past two years, has left me in a horrible situation, I don't know what to do with my time, or my life, anymore, because he's not here to boss me around anymore. I need someone's help, because I feel as if I have no point to be here, other than to be a good best friend, to my best friend. She's all I got. Besides my family of course. But that still doesn't help me with the fact that I feel lonely, hurt, and betrayed. Everything is wrong, and nothing is right. I've gone crazy so it seems. I need help. I really do..
Posted by Unknown. 12/15/08 3:16 PM
 
They tell you that they are going to change but want. They will do the same thing as soon as you do something they dont like. They tell these thing just so you can look down on yourself so you can stay with them. They dont want you to find someone better then them
Posted by LaVonda Smallwood 12/15/08 8:05 AM
 
I've been in a abusive relationship physically n mentally since i was 15.I'm 21 now w 3 kids n yes i'm still w him! He sais he loves me n that he needs me, that hes nothing w/out me.But he 4gets that right after i 4give him n let him back in. He has hit me while my 3 pregnancies,In front of my kids, call me names n tell my 4 year old to call me the b word that im the worst. I want to get out of this 4 my kids, they dont deserve that n last 4 me cus nobody should b treated or make believe that we aint worth nothing.I need help, i Know i'm strong but it also takes courage to leave. I know now I'm not the only 1.We deserve happiness. It will hurt but not as much as he hurts U.
Posted by Edith 12/15/08 1:47 AM
 
How could you think someone loves you who does nothing but hurt you all the time in everyway possible. I dont understand why do people allow this to go on. If someone doesnt make you feel the way they should or treat you the way you deserve to be treated than there no good for you. Most people try to bring you down and make you feel like nothing because thats how they feel inside. And if you ever notice most people who are abusive in anyway usually arent that way to everyone so dont get caught up in being alone cause me I rathered be alone than with some one to beat me and make me feel isolated from the world anyways
Posted by Anonymous 12/14/08 12:28 PM
 
I am glad that someone with a commonly known name is endorsing this issue. I am 15 and I have been emotionally abused from the moment I turned 7. No, he has never touched me, he has never even said a single curse word to me, but the abuse is serious. I can't get away from my abuser, no matter what I try. Because he's my father. Just last night he said to me and my younger sister that "No one will ever want to marry you because you are both hard and cold and unfeeling. Who would want to be around you? I'm your father and I can barely stand to talk to you." I think emotional abuse is overlooked to often. It is a serious crime. I have, thankfully, been gettig help from a therapist. My best friend (who was a victim of a physically abusive husband) doesn't know she saved my life.She found me one day at a party at my house crying in the bathroom after my father hugged me. that was the first time I opened up to anyone. What she doesn't know is that very night I was thinking about commiting scuicide. She saved my life. I want to thank Tyra for addressing this issue, it may not seem as bad as phisical abuse, but some of the damage expresses itself in the same ways. I have a hard time getting close to people, especially boys. Sometimes I can't get out of bed in the morning because I have made myself sick from crying the whole night. I unconciously push people away from me, especially my friends, and am embarassed about how I look. Thank you Tyra, for speaking out.
Posted by Beth 12/13/08 4:50 PM
 
I'm in a relationship were he doesn't wanna be together but he doesn't want me with anyone else so if he catches me talking to any other guy he choke's me or smacks me and I love him just not the way he treats me
Posted by annomous 12/13/08 8:31 AM
 
I was in an abusive relationship for about a year. I was about to marrie him. I asked him if when we got married if he could promise me that he would not hit me out of anger and he said that he could not promise me that. So i told him that we needed to make some plans becuse it was over. He would not let me go he huged me for likw ten min. and my family was there so i was not alone. He also stalked me for mounths after that i broke up with him. he even followed me to work an would scream at me when he found me in stores an othr places. I just broke up with him in time becuse we when suposed to get married about two mounths later. Its been about 10 mounths now an he still trys to call i had to change my phone number and noe i hid from him when i see him my new boyfriend trys to help me throught it but it still hurts some times becuse i realy loved him and the thing that gets me i i let him do it. i could have broke him in half and i could not do it becuse i loved him. After that i seen the light and grew up quick and too soon i think some time. I hope my story will help some one in time before its to late. So please think before saying i do.
Posted by Renee 12/12/08 11:44 PM
 
omg! yes its hard to go through emotional abuse even fisical abuse im 19 got pregnant at age 17 and my pregnacy was very hard for me because the guy i thought i loved really wasnt wat i thought he was all love kisses and hugs he didnt care hes one of those macho man who say hells to the no to cleaning or changing a diper or cooking he says thats a womens job since i had my baby i gaind 60 pounds from a size 7 to a size 16 WOW! he says im ugly i need to lose wieght for him to show me sum love or even take me out dont let a guy mess with your mind yes its hard to leave those kind of situations but we can do it girls!
Posted by sarahi 12/12/08 5:53 PM
 
OMG!! Im really sorry to see all the stories and comments down there but in a way it makes me feel a little better to know that i am not alone and that someone else understands me. It is never love if a guy has to use words to control you. I am fresh out of an abusive relationship and im having a hard time because he makes me feel that i can never be loved by anyone else so when people try to show me love i push them away. Im trying to learn how to love myself so i can love others. Its hard but its better now then later ya know??? I can understand both sides yes you do have the ability to stand up and leave the loser behind but what if theres a child involved?? Thats a hard subject and i understand that also!! Sometimes staying in an abusive relationship so long leads to brain washing and thats the state that im in right now.
Posted by Genesis 12/12/08 11:30 AM
 
I'm in a abusive relationship and it's hurting me so much to not leave him. When you are in love with someone and they try you like this what in the world I'm I doing wrong. I sometimes just don't say anything when I'm around him because I feel that I'm never going to win. He says some of the most hurtful things to me and I still stay with this man. I just want peace in my life and it seems like every corner I turn is a mess.
Posted by Anonymous 12/12/08 7:03 AM
 
To who sent the "flowers today" poem, wow! that is just like my dumb mother in law! her husband hits her alot & she's always saying, "oh just look at these beautiful flowers he gave me!" she has been with this guy on & off (mostly on) since they were teens, shes now in her 40s! and everyone only talks about how much better this guy, we'll just call him bob, how much better "bob" is doing. so i heard he did some way bad stuff back in the day, like beating the crap out of his verry yung neice, (and thankfuly goin to jail for a few years because of it!) throwing his wife down some stairs while she was pregnet with my husband, ect. so now, he only hits his wife once in a while (like a few times a month) when hes drunk and pissed! but her, we'll call her "dw", dw and her family still dont c bob as a bad guy! when the heck did beeting become "ok"?! they have an 18 year old girl that is going down the same path! her boyfriend hits her alot!! every time i c her, she has a new broose or cut, or both! and everyone thinks its ok!!! dw, and bob tell me of there dotters fights with her boyfriend, and how "if it happens again im calling the cops" but it does happen again and again, and still no cops r called! they giv her rides to his house, and let him stay the night at theres! they fight with him too! its so normal and ok to them!, i just dont get it!! im sooo glad my husband has never hit me!, he is soo difrent from his family, its awsome! he is a great
Posted by a frustrated, confused, & skaired girl 12/12/08 12:20 AM



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