Fri. Sep 05, 2008 | 5:45 PM

Should you keep it a secret or spill your guts?

husband2.jpgThe guilt is weighing on you like a ton of bricks. You didn't mean for it to happen, but somehow it did. You cheated on your man. Now you've got to decide -- should you keep it a secret or spill your guts? It may be tempting not to tell about your tantalizing rendezvous, but experts say there's major danger in staying mum. Without communication, there can be no reparation. And do you really want to keep the lie of your life a secret from the love of your life?

Even if you don't tell your guy, remember that he may find out anyway. Wouldn't you rather be brave and tell him the bad news yourself instead of getting busted for cheating and lying? Confessing is no easy task, so we've got tips on the best ways to spill your guts.

1. Have a chat with yourself about what your sneaky smooching really means. It's usually a signal that you're unhappy with an aspect of your current relationship. Maybe the between-the-sheets action is more mind-numbing than toe-curling. Or maybe you're getting the cold shoulder when it comes to emotional support, so you're curling up in the arms of someone new.

But there's no way your guy you can fix that hole in your heart if he doesn't know it's there, so this is where the "big talk" comes in.

2. Find a quiet, private place to confess your infidelity. Remember, honesty really is the best policy. This doesn't mean you should give your dude all the dirty details, even if he begs for them. The important thing is to come clean with basic facts. It's not the time for the blame game.

3. Be prepared for all the heavy, hurtful consequences. Give your guy a chance to get out his anger (and trust us, he's gonna be mad!) and the space he needs to deal.

4. Decide together if it's worth it to keep working on your relationship. If both of you aren't still in it to win it, there's no use playing the game.

5. If you both decide to stick together, you're gonna need some help. Make an appointment with a professional counselor or therapist, check out some self-help books and be patient. Deep wounds may leave scars, but with the right care and attention, it's possible for them to heal.

You tell us: If you cheat, should you confess? If someone cheated on you, would you want to know?


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There are some cases where you should be honest with your marriage partner. He or she can understand what you have gone through. But there are other cases where you should keep your secrets for the sake of peace in marriage. It might be better for you not to cheat your spouse. But even if you did, you might find it better not to spill the beans. Because your marriage itself will be in danger. If you know your marriage partner's personality and if you are quite aware that he or she cannot bear the burden of the truth, you may as well keep your mouth shut. I have to say that you should do your best to make another cheating episode not happen again. I do think that divorce should be the last thing for a couple to do if the couple loves each other from the bottom of their heart.
Posted by Kim Jun-ho 09/15/08 8:41 AM
 
There are some cases where you should be honest with your marriage partner. He or she can understand what you have gone through. But there are other cases where you should keep your secrets for the sake of peace in marriage. It might be better for you not to cheat your spouse. But even if you did, you might find it better not to spill the beans. Because your marriage itself will be in danger. If you know your marriage partner's personality and if you are quite aware that he or she cannot bear the burden of the truth, you may as well keep your mouth shut. I have to say that you should do your best to make another cheating episode not happen again. I do think that divorce should be the last thing for a couple to do if the couple loves each other from the bottom of their heart.
Posted by Kim Jun-ho 09/15/08 8:40 AM
 
There are some cases where you should be honest with your marriage partner. He or she can understand what you have gone through. But there are other cases where you should keep your secrets for the sake of peace in marriage. It might be better for you not to cheat your spouse. But even if you did, you might find it better not to spill the beans. Because your marriage itself will be in danger. If you know your marriage partner's personality and if you are quite aware that he or she cannot bear the burden of the truth, you may as well keep your mouth shut. I have to say that you should do your best to make another cheating episode not happen again. I do think that divorce should be the last thing for a couple to do if the couple loves each other from the bottom of their heart.
Posted by Kim Jun-ho 09/15/08 8:39 AM
 
If you cheat it's in the better interest to tell.  Not telling could be traumatizing to the relationship and leave unforgiving scars.  Being honest is the best thing to do; it is healthy for your relationship and it may not leave your relationship finalized.
Posted by shawnie 09/11/08 6:49 PM
 
i say confess. you will feel better about it. if you cheat on your husband/wife. obviously you dont truly love them. that is the worst form of betrayl. and you need to stop and think about your actions before you just jump into things that are irrational. if you are thinking or cheating on your love, you need to tell them. Its just selfish not to.
Posted by Leslie 09/11/08 10:22 AM
 
hi my names jiovonne h-caballero, ive been with my husband for almost four years .... a while back i came really close to cheating on my husband because i was very unhappy with him for things he "said" and "did". when i say i came really close to cheating... it means i went out with a guy behind his back who was a friend i liked because he listened to me more than my husband did... he started calling me more than my husband called me. he listened to me and my feelings... it had me questioning "why does'nt my husband do this?" so one day he came over and i hugged him and i felt horrible. i felt so bad i couldnt take it any further... in my mind this was cheating... because its what your thinking in your mind... i thought about kissing him and being with him... we went out to eat behind my husbands back... to me thats cheating. I CONFESSED TO MY HUSBAND... i told him everything ... the who, the why, the where, and THE WHY..lol... he forgave me and understood... i never tried to cheat again... and were okay... if your reallly sorry... and u really love your husband or boyfriend... be honest with him... and if he leaves you for it... then i mean you did cheat on him... maybe he does deserve someone better... your really lucky if you two work it out. if you did the crime, face the consequences...
Posted by Jiovonne Hernandez-Caballero 09/10/08 9:50 AM
 
Confess and you will grow as a person. The people who say don't confess and they don't want to know are essentially saying they don't want to grow. There is so much more fufilling things to partake in than cheating(pursuing dreams being successful look at Tyra). I've cheated and been cheated on,at the end of the day what a waste of my time! There's gotta be more to life cheating to me is so small.
Posted by Seraya 09/09/08 8:24 AM
 
y'all ladies out there, NEVER CONFESS! It is one of the most regretable things that you have to live with if you decide to spill out your guts. Letting your guy know that you already gave another guy what he assumed belonged to him and no-else, is just a very huge mistake. Whether he decides to forgive you or not is just up to him. What he does not know can't hurt him so keep it that way. Even if he decides to stay with you after that, it will never be the same. Whoever said guys can cheat, ladies do it as well. I would want to know if he has ever cheated on me because I would leave his butt in a flash! But if he is smart enough to make sure that I never find out, ever, that's okay!
Posted by Anne 09/09/08 1:06 AM
 
Jasmin honey he only told you about the other gyrl because she got pregnant.Please NEVER believe your man tells you everything because they don't. He loves you and don't even have sense enough to wear a condom. Two years or ten years I hope if I'm ever in a situation like yours I will have the strength to leave. It sounds to me like you value your relationship. Got to be a two way street. I think if its a one time thing gyrl you should keep your mouth closed. If you love the man that you're with and want to have a future with him you better. If he does forgive you baby please believe he'll NEVER let you live it down. I know people say you should tell your partner everything but in my opinion thats a bunch of nonsense.Keep the peace and keep your mouth closed.
Posted by katrina 09/08/08 9:28 PM
 
Remember Mario Wyanins song;I don't wanna know?, thats how I feel. I would not tell my husband anything. He would probably forgive me but he would just hold it over my head. He acts suspicious anyways, which makes me feel like there maybe something that I don't know! I say keep it to your self girl, He sure would, believe that and others might know too and they won't you tell either!
Posted by Tiff 09/08/08 9:18 AM
 
When you decide to cheat you are hurting so many people that are involved. Having recently learned that I was the person that a man was cheating on his fiancee with, I told him to be truthful to her and if he would not then I would. I told her everything, she had been lied to as well as myself. She got hurt and I got hurt. If a man or woman decides to cheat, then they need to take responsibility for their actions and think about why they need to cheat (the thrill, the risk, it is different) whatever the reason it needs to be addressed and if your partner finds out, be truthful and honest about your weakness, reparations can be made but only if you are honest and communicate. Do not blame the other person, because in my case I never knew he had a fiancee. If you find out your loved one has cheated, it is up to you to decide to work through it and see if you can regain the trust again and if you are willing to always be on guard.
Posted by Tara 09/08/08 8:05 AM
 
I believe that variey is the spice of life. I am a married woman but it is only because I married my friend. I believe that 95% of men cheat which means they get to get their cake and eat it too, so why shouldn't we. I have found that men cheat because they like to conquer different women or string along old flames just because they can. I think that it's OK to cheat as long as no one will ever find out. Too many women set themselves up to get caught, ladies you can have your fun too just be smart about it. Just cause your man slips up that doesn't mean you have to. Condoms please people. I have cheated on every man I've ever been with, only after they cheated first and I've never been caugth.
Posted by Jay 09/08/08 7:45 AM
 
i cheated on my boyfriend while he was overseas but at the time we had only been together for a week, and i was not exactly sure if i had liked him a whole lot to begin with-but now i have fallen head over heels for this guy and i love him more than anything. So there was this other guy and we have hooked up a few times before i started going out with my boyfriend..anyway, we hooked up again when my boyfriend was overseas and he still doesn't know i have. i dont think its a big deal even though ill admit i was VERY VERY wrong.. but because we werent exactly in a serious relationship anyway im not sure if it matters a whole lot, and now that we are in a serious relationship and we both love each other, i dont want a stupid hookup that didnt mean anything-like that to ruin anything we have. please tell me what you think? tila cosmo x
Posted by Tila 09/08/08 4:08 AM
 
hello. yes i have cheated. not bragging but it happens. i just want to say, don't cheat in your on back yard and no one but you, that person, and god will know.unless you talk in your sleep.
Posted by faheemah 09/08/08 12:02 AM
 
If you have to go cheat then that means the love isn't there anymore and if the love isn't there anymore then you should end things before it even comes to the point where you feel you have to cheat.
Posted by vanessa 09/06/08 3:36 PM



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