Ask the Guys: Question #8
06/16/08 2:24 PM
"So I'm totally in love with my new man, should I wait for him to say it first so I don't scare him off, or let him know how I feel?"
- Eloise
Bachelor #1 - This is a question about the "Talk." The Talk is when you sit and explain to each other how you feel. It's a very big step in every relationship. The Talk is pretty much the defining point of a relationship. It's when you begin to open up to each other and accept the feelings you have for each other. When you have the Talk, it's best to be alone. It's also best to be sober, but a few drinks with dinner are acceptable. You have to be ready to hear anything and be okay with it. You have to be ready to tell him everything and answer all his questions.
If you can sit and work out the details of your relationship together, you are moving in the right direction. The Talk isn't about getting off on the right foot. There should be no real surprises. The Talk is about putting all your cards on the table. The Talk should just happen. When you are together, the words should just come to you. Don't force it. If he feels the same way about you, he is probably just waiting for the right moment. Give him the time and place he can speak comfortably about his feelings, and the Talk will just start.
Bachelor #2 - Only tell your man that you love him if you've gotten everything out of the relationship that you could possibly ever desire. I'm serious, if you've squeezed every ounce of passion, lust and amore out of your coupling; than, please, by all means, tell him you love him and prepare for his inevitable break-up speech about how "things are going waay too fast;" and that he's "just not ready for this level of commitment."
You see, Eloise, us men love getting a good deal, -- at this juncture one should be reminded of the oft-used phrase: "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free." We (men) really love getting it on, snuggling for ten minutes and getting the heck out of Dodge without having to deal with too much thought of commitment; or discussing emotional attachment at all. Of course, guys will grudgingly allow themselves to be suckered into saying "I love you" at some point in any relationship, but this momentous phrasing should be measured on a glacial pace and NOT a calendar, ie: days, weeks or even months.
A good rule of thumb is to wait six months after initially feeling the "I love you" bug trying to blurt out of your mouth before you actually tell your man that you, in fact, do love him. It's smart strategy to wait because, hey, maybe you'll break up in the meantime, OR; maybe you'll have tricked your guy into telling you that he loves you. *NOTE: Hell has a better chance of freezing over than this event actually occurring, but I've heard of isolated incidents wherein the guy does admit to "being in love" first. So there you have it, dear reader, keep your emotions in check, your mouth shut and keep on trucking. You can't fail.
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when should you tell aguy u love him? oh, i dont know... WHEN U LOVE HIM! if he doesnt love u back or he runs 4 the hills, then stop dating dirtbags & find urself a REAL man. lord knows u deserve one. :D
It does not really matter who says it first. It should come naturally, and be said when it feels right. Most women know when a guy is in love with them, and when he,s just in lust, but sometimes that wisdom comes with age and younger women may not be able to diffrentiate. The fact is a lot of men are not mature enough to hear 'I love you', it scares them. which juat means that they are not with the right woman.
Seeing that women are more than mature than men, sweetie please wait or other wise your feeling might get hurt. And like someone else stated, when you have received all that you think you can,still, like i have let them say it first, Men are very clueless. LET HIM SAY IT FIRST!
Women. Brian is right. Men realy are cut and dry for the most part. its true " why buy the cow when I can get it for free". the moment you tell him you love him is the same moment he fnds out he can do just about anything and kinda get away with it. Trust. When a guy loves a girl it shows all over him. If he really loves you, no matter how scared he is he will tell you first. Because you become his prize he wants to show to the world and he does not want you to leave.
I dont think you should put a time on how long you should wait though. let it flow and if it happens good, if not then when your tired of not hearin it trust me its time ti move on. cause he is never going to say it.
Love is a treacherous thang! Don't tell him, trap him. Do the things for him that endear him to you. Spoil him. Remember, "reading" is fundamental. That means, "read" him. If he does you right on valentines, birthday, those special mushy days, then you have him. If he doesn't, save your love for yourself.
I do agree with the comment do not tell him you love him until he has successfully met all of your desires. How can someone say they love you and not show that they do, i love that comment and will be sure to remember it
I believe you should wait at least 6 months to tell someone you love them. That way you honestly know that is how you feel. Dont be afraid of expressing your love - even if the man walks away.
I am 41 and told my man of 7 months I loved him - he is 46. He freaked out and feels he can't continue our relationship knowing how I feel about him because he only feels a "deep, like you a lot," type feeling for me.
I feel it is his loss. Remember, you can always learn from previous relationships, and don't let rejection turn you into a commitment phobe like the JERK who dumped me :)
Getting dumped hurts, but just remember, there is someone out there who will love you and much as you love him and will accept you the way you are without changing you!
look,i really dont understand this need to actually ask someone's permission to tell them how you feel simply because you are afraid of losing them...just say what you feel when you feel its the right time to say,if he doesnt feel the same way,then hey,well,hey...ish happens,all we have to do is to learn how to deal with it.
First of all there is to much emphasis put on this word "love" why do we need validation in the form of a single word. I personally don't use the word and believe it to be a farce. If I want my partner to know how I feel I will show it and hope for the same from him or her. But I think everybody should communicate their feelings even if they want to say I "love" you and if he/she can't handle that then too bad he will miss out on the ride.
I have to agree with modestar, why do I need my man's permission to tell him I love him. I will say what I feel when I feel it, and if he is not ready, then he will be man enough to express that to you and tell you when he is ready. We need to stop acting like men don't get hurt, or have the same silent fears that we have, or that they owe you something by saying they love you first just because you put out.
I knew my ex was in love with me before we started even going out. We knew eachother for three months(never having sex)I just felt it, he showed the signs, but I didn't trust him cuz of the last relationship I was in. So finally those 3 months went by and when i loved him too, I asked him to be my bf, and I waited 3 more months for him to tell me he loved me, and after 6 months he asked me to move out of town with him, of course I said no. After that nature took its course and we broke up 4 or so months later.
I loved what we had and I brought it to my new relationship, and me and my current bf hung out all night long and he would drop me off at 1 or so in the morning and continue his 30 minute trip home. The first time we met (we talked on line for a few days) it rained, and he surprised me with a book that showed he listens to me, and about a month and a 1/2 later on valentines day we made it official, and then he told me he loved me...nothing I didn't already know, and I officially moved in the next month, last march.
I have been with my man for 5 years. We have been threw everyhing together and I just don't know when he will be ready to take our relationship to the next level and propose?
OMG....IM NOT GOING TO TELL THE GUY "I LVE YOU"
FIRST. TO ME IF THE GUY DOESNT SAY "I LOVE YOU" FOR ABOUT 2 TO 3 MONTHS WE ARE MEANT TO BE JUST FRIENDS. BECAUSE IF YOU SAY "I LOVE YOU" FIRST AND HE LAUGHS OR DOESNT SAY ANYTHING BACK THEN YOUR SCREWED IT.........!!!
THATS WHY I SHUT MY MOUTH. DONT EVEN FORCE IT BECUASE IT MEANS YOU ARE DESPERIATE FOR A MAN!
JUST BE YOURSELF AND SEE WHERE IT TAKES YOU.
BUT MEN ARE SUPPOSE TO TAKE THE LEAD AND SAY
"I LOVE YOU" FIRST....!!!
LOL!! :]
i dont think you should tell him straight away
drop little hints like giving him like little love poem texts make them flirty and sexy and of course sneak in the word love in it
my friend tried it
it worked he gave her one back saying
you smell like roses
i love that smell
fate must be really something
cause i love you as well
so cute and he doesnt have to say it if he feels your gona turn him down this will most likely work
try it!!!
The guy is suppose to be taking the lead not the girl
ummmmmmmmm!!!I how ever things that you shouldnt go ahead & just blurt out I love you!!!It can force him to say it back which wouldnt be true!!so I think you should wait until the time is right and the relationship has come a long way!!!Goodluck!!
if you in love with a guy who does not appreciate you,what are you meant to do to make him value you
what if a guy says I love you finally after yall are not together anymore after he has move to another state (one year later)
Plus he says it only when he drunk (ALL OF THE TIME) 1000 miles away?
my boy friend always tell me he love me,but i don't believe him.I always tell him you don't love me,you like me.
This posting is more than a month old. Are you discontinuing this Single and Fierce column? I miss these!
it doesnt realy matter who says it first as long as both of u are happy wit the relationship.