I'm a 19 year old girl living in New York. I've had a past that just won’t go away, it almost killed me. I was around 5 years old when my step-father started too sexually molest me. He wasn’t the only one to abuse me. My father did to but after he got caught by my step-mom he apologized to me, and never did it again. Then there was my stepfathers nephew who stayed with us for awhile and then went back to Peru. The abuse with my stepfather went on for 9 years. Almost every day he would come into my room early in the morning before he went to work. As I grew older I started to realize it wasn’t right. It never felt right but he was suppose to be my father so I trusted him, but when I got older I knew what he was doing was bad.
I started to pretend to be asleep when I heard him coming. Unfortunately that made things worse. He didn’t seem to care that I was sleeping, he came in anyway. I would lock my door, but he would still get in and later that day yells at me for locking my door. I never slept. I became afraid of the dark. I started having horrible dreams that was filled with blood and violence. I became more angry and tense. I started to sleep with a knife under my pillow in case he realized I was awake and attempted to beat me. I feared for my life but if I could just make it to age 18 I could leave and all would be over. But it wasn’t that easy. I had a little brother and I was worried for him. At the age of 14 in class I saw everyone was just so happy and didn’t seem to have a care in the world. But I did. I didn’t want to go home.
I lost myself and was so confused of who I am. I ran out of the classroom and my best friend followed. For the first time I cried out what was going on. I was shaking in fear not knowing what was going to happen next. I can still remember that day. I can still remember falling on the grass and crying out. And my best friend not knowing what to do. She took me to the deputy, but when he asked me everything, I couldn’t say. He wanted details but it was so hard to speak. The words he wanted me to say where trapped. They called CPS and then took down a statement. They called my mom, and informed her. She came out and called me a liar. When we went back home he was there. She made me confront him and tell him what I told the deputies. I sat on the floor holding my dog, and I told him that I told the deputies what he was doing to me. He then got up and left. My mom called me all sorts of things and then said she didn’t want to see me. I went in my room and cried. She still kept seeing him letting him come back in the house having no regard to me. I kept thinking he’s going to kill me. And wondered how she could let him in the house like nothing happened.
My dog never has barked but it was like he knew. Now every time he came to the house my dog barked. One night my mom came home with McDonalds and my brother went and ate. My mom took me to the living room. And told me I was destroying the family and I had a appointment with CPS the next day. She said if I continued with my “story” that they would split me and my brother up and we’d never see each other ever again. She told me to take back what I said and I could go anywhere I wanted. I could go stay with my dad. She said no one really even believes me because of my psych hospitalization. She clearly didn’t want to leave him and would rather give her daughter up. In the car on the way there she said there were people at my brothers school going to take him in to CPS if I didn’t take it back, unfortunately I was naïve and believed her and trusted her. When I went in the back room with the lady. I told her I made everything up because I didn’t like him. And just like that he got away with it. He still kept coming by the house and I left to New York to live with my dad and step-mom. Even hundreds of miles away my step father still controlled my life. I had frequent nightmares and became so depressed I ended up in psychiatric hospitals. I had multiple suicide attempts. And was put on medications. The doctors didn’t seem to care that he got away with it. Instead they put me on many drugs thinking that would make me feel happy and stop the depression and suicidal tendencies and attempts. I became rebellious, and very promiscuous. My life got harder, but I preferred it to dealing with what everyone said was impossible. My mom and step-dad got divorced and she then came to New York. Unfortunately she left my little brother with him. Even though she now says she believes me, I still don’t believe her. I feel as if she did believe me, she would have never left my brother there. She would have helped me press charges. The relationship with my mom goes deeper with lies and abuse.
I thought I got over it I thought it was over the nightmares and flashbacks. That was until I got into a limo January 19th. I went out with some friends and ended up drinking way more that I could handle. We were out all night. I ended up talking to a friend of mine who is just the worst person to talk to when you’re upset. Instead of making me feel better she made me feel worse, I went from super happy and wild to depressed and distant. When they drove me home I told them to drop me off at dunkin doughnuts instead, which just so happened to be in front of the subway train. They saw I was crying and was really depressed, they saw I was entirely wasted yet they said okay. It was almost noon when they dropped me off. I went up the train station stairs to the platform. I walked to the end and waited for the train…the train was coming fast entering the station. I ran as fast as I could and jumped in front of the subway train. It hit me full force and tossed me on to the tracks, where it ran over me. I should be 6 feet underground. But I landed in the middle part of the tracks where there is an empty space that saved my life. I was in a coma under life-support. When I awoke I was in shock of what they told me probably because I didn’t remember the party or the train. I couldn’t even remember the last thing I was doing. But after talking to some friends that were there that night it was clear what had happened. I thought I was over what happened in Florida but apparently it I wasn’t.
I have all my body parts. And I can walk normal on my own 2 feet. If that’s not a miracle I don’t know what is. There must be a reason I’m alive, I just don’t know yet. But I need to find out. I’m not sure what to do from here, but I’m going to start by trying to help others just like me, abuse is serious and some people just don’t realize the power it could have over someone. I haven’t even come close to my goal, but eventually he will be behind bars, and his wrong doings will catch up to him. If you have any comments on my story you can contact me at pebbles0324@yahoo.com.

Tyra,
I am 18 years old and growing up I have had 2 people in my immediate family be convicted of child molestation. One of them is my father. Although he never touched me inappropriately I did grow up feeling as if he had hurt me. I was taught to be afraid of him and that he was a very sick man but I still needed him in my life. His absence was one that made my life very hard to grow up in. It is because of his mistake that
I know how it feels to wonder if you're going to be able to eat or if the bills will be paid.
Even though he hurt me and my family, we all forgive him and I wish that he could be there to see my graduate because he has missed so much throughout my life. The other offender is my older brother. He was given the title sex offender wrongly and having him absent from my life has also affected my family and me greatly. I am so thankful that you brought up that people could be given that title wrongly because I know that there are people like I was who are scared of those who are given that title. Anyways,I just wanted to extend my gratitude for you having that episode and informing everyone about what they can do to prevent their children from being victims.

Sincerely,
Christina S.

Tyra, I want to start off saying thank you for your show. Thanks for everything you have been doing. To be able to comment on these issues means a lot to me, because it is a way I can express myself and even heal.
I was first sexually abused as a very young toddler. I was sexually molested up until the age 20 by men bigger then me, or multiple men. I became VERY sexually active on my own will at age 13 and slept with a lot of men. I got into drugs, alcohol, etc and have never lived a normal life, and I still deal with a LOT of pain from it. My mom was never there, and I was pretty much raised by the streets, and treatment facilities. I landed on DOC and DSS at a very young age and was finally taken from my mother at age 15. She dealt with severe mental illnesses.

My life has changed, and I have a beautiful daughter and husband. My mom is also back in my life and she is getting better.

I am terrified and paranoid of my little girl. I am so scarred, that I won't be able to protect her and I fear that the stuff I went through would happen to her. Abuse was so common to me growing up that I figured it happened to everyone until I was much older and realized it didn't.

I was sick of living a victim's life, and I am now studying a martial art called, Brazilian JuJitsu/Gracy JuJitsu that teaches you fighting on the ground. It was made for someone of a smaller stature to take on a larger opponent. Like the world champion who was 150lbs and studied Brazilian JuJitsu (Pedro Sauer- who my instructor learned under) who beat a 250lb body builder (Mr. Utah). The techniques are NOT used with power or strength, but leverage. Using the opponent’s own body and weight against him. Most fights end up on the ground- especially if a man is trying to take advantage of a woman (or the other way around). This is a mean martial art and it is easy to break your opponent’s bones without using a lot of strength.

One thing I know for sure is this. I plan to have open communication with my daughter, teach her the names of her privates so she can tell me if someone is abusing her. I am chosing to be a different mom to my daughter than my mom was to me- no excuses. I had to realize I don't have to be my mom. I thank God that I am a stay at home mommy, because I can spend time building a relationship with my daughter that I never had with my mom. Last but definitely not least, I am putting her into Brazilian JuJitsu as soon as she hits the age of understanding.

I think every woman should know self defense. I also think children should as well as long as they are responsible with it. If you are curious on Brazilian JuJitsu, please check out this:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=WlYD-j9GSvo&feature=related

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO MAKE YOU CHILDREN FEEL LIKE YOU ARE APPROCHABLE. THE SEXUAL PREDATOR COULD BE RIGHT IN YOUR OWN HOME OR IN YOUR OWN FAMILY, OR NEIGHBORR HOOD, OR IN OYUR OWN CIRCLE SOMEONE YOU TRUST. AND IF YOUR KIDS KNOW THAT YOU TRUST THIS PERSON, THEY COULD BE AFRAID TO COME TO YOU AND TELL YOU WHAT IT IS GOING ON. PLUS AS YOUNG CHILDREN THIS IS ALSO SOMEONE THEY TRUST.. AND THEY COULD THINK THAT WHAT THE PERSON IS DOING TO THEM IS OKAY. SO YOU NEED TO BE OPEN WITH THEM, YOU CAN STILL BE "IN CHARGE" AND STILL MAKE YOU CHILD FEEL LIKE THEY ARE YOUR FRIEND. OR THEY CAN TALK TO YOU WHEN THEY ARE IN TROUBLE. THAT IS WHY WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS THE FIRST PERSON THEY GO TO ARE THERE FRIENDS BECAUSE THE PARENTS ARE VERY UNNAPROCHABLE. IT IS VER IMPORTANT TO TALK TO YOUR KIDS. IF YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO START A CONVERSATION, START BY JUST ASKING THEM ABOUT WHAT THEY DID THAT DAY. AND WHEN THEY GIVE YOUR BROAD ANSWERS ASK THEM FOR DETAILS. CAUSE SEXUAL ABUSE CAN MESS A CHILD UP FOREVER!

For a moment let the stress go
Stop fighting yourself
Put this inner war you continue to battle
to rest
Untill you find
The strength to face and courage to own
All those feelings
You carefully locked away
Makeing sure
They would never haunt your dreams
You wont be able to find
The peace
You crave
With in yourself

The Courage to Heal
Ellen Bass and Laura Davis

A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse

Thank You so much for doing this show Tyra. I was crying so hard watching it because it had brought back so many memories of things that I thought I had buried and tried to forget about. I think I was trying to tell myself that it didn't happen but deep down inside I knew it did. I am a 26 yr old female who was molested by a family member from the ages of 7-9. I was watching your show on child pedafiles and it helped me come out to my boyfriend. He was very understanding and is atempting to talk me into telling my family. That family member who molested me is stil around and I also have younger nieces and nephews who spend the night over his house often and I am scared to say something to anyone but I don't want my neices or nephews to go through the same thing that i went through.

WHEN I WAS 12 MY FAMILY AND I MOVED OUT OF A SHELTER AND INTO A CLEEN AND SOBER HOUSE WE BEFRIENDED A MAN AND ONE NITE I WOKE UP TO THAT MAN INSIDE ME I WAS SO AFRAID I LAID THERE FOR WHAT FELT LIKE 1,000,000,000 DAYS UNTILL HE STOPED,IT HAPPENED TO ME 4 TIMES UNTILL I TOLED THAT WAS ALMOST 2 YEARS AGO AND HE IS SEVING ABOUT 3 MORE YOARS IN PRISEN

WHEN I WAS 12 MY FAMILY AND I MOVED OUT OF A SHELTER AND INTO A CLEEN AND SOBER HOUSE WE BEFRIENDED A MAN AND ONE NITE I WOKE UP TO THAT MAN INSIDE ME I WAS SO AFRAID I LAID THERE FOR WHAT FELT LIKE 1,000,000,000 DAYS UNTILL HE STOPED,IT HAPPENED TO ME 4 TIMES UNTILL I TOLED THAT WAS ALMOST 2 YEARS AGO AND HE IS SEVING ABOUT 3 MORE YOARS IN PRISEN

Hey,
I wished I could have seen this but I was in class...But this subject hits me because I was molested by 2 Uncles and Raped by one of them... If you have ever heard Teri Hatcher's Story mine is kind of like hers... I was always by my self and I was a easy target since my parents would not always be around... I tried to tell my parents once but they believed my Uncle... After that I felt dead.. Though I do remember when ever my Uncle would attack me I would close my eyes and picture myself with Teri Hatcher and we would be any were and I felt safe again... Once He left I had a hard time trusting people I still do... I can not really have a boyfriend because I am scared... I went through a time when I would cut... But everything changed when I held my Nephew the night he was born.. I learned that love is not scary... Though I may not be able to love many people.. The best love is the one from a baby... I do believe he saved my life in a lot of ways... Thank you for informing people... I wish I could have asked some question... I look at my little cousins because they are around the age when it started and I can not understand what they see...I hope one day I could see you...

Hey Miss Tyra,

I am 25 and have been a victim of molestation and I tell you that people can get over it by realizing that they are not at fault. My sister's boyfriend molested me for years up until his death in 1991, I am ashamed to say that I was glad he was shot because he couldn't hurt me anymore. I have only told a select of few people about this and I regret not telling my mother and my sister about it because I was in so much pain. I have since gotten over it and have forgiving him for his wrong doing and I have a calm in my soul after forgiving him. To every parent out there, please do not ignore your children/child if they are acting out, being aggessive, depressed, making excuses for certain things and lying when there isn't a need to. Let your love be the stronghold to ask those questions you need to find out what's happening with your child. Never be the parent to say "I didn't see the signs" or the parent that says "get over it". Make the deision to know what's going on and make it a point to talk about the good touch and bad touch to your child. Together you can make a difference.

Hey Miss Tyra,

I am 25 and have been a victim of molestation and I tell you that people can get over it by realizing that they are not at fault. My sister's boyfriend molested me for years up until his death in 1991, I am ashamed to say that I was glad he was shot because he couldn't hurt me anymore. I have only told a select of few people about this and I regret not telling my mother and my sister about it because I was in so much pain. I have since gotten over it and have forgiving him for his wrong doing and I have a calm in my soul after forgiving him. To every parent out there, please do not ignore your children/child if they are acting out, being aggessive, depressed, making excuses for certain things and lying when there isn't a need to. Let your love be the stronghold to ask those questions you need to find out what's happening with your child. Never be the parent to say "I didn't see the signs" or the parent that says "get over it". Make the deision to know what's going on and make it a point to talk about the good touch and bad touch to your child. Together you can make a difference.

Tyra-

I do not think people think of how easy it is to not see the signs and how much it hurts as a mom to find that this has happened to your child. Your world comes down at the news that it could have happened to the one thing in the world you were to protect with your life. I learned the hard way. My ex husband possably molested my oldest son, who is not biologically his. i found out that this could have happened when i filed for divorice when he was arrested for lacivias acts against a child. He molested a 7 year old mentally challange girl. i was angered that the courts thought ten years of redgistering and five years of probation was a good sentance. anyways my son would scream when you went to change him and when you gave him a bath. I could not get proof enough to press charges but when a child psych thinks it happened i about died. i can not stress the point of never trusting them with your kids enough, that stuff is never cured or rehabilited.
now my son is fine and i worry for his new wife and their four or five kids. kids are our future and they need to be protected with everything we got. always check your states sex offender regesery and listen to people, do background checks on those watching your kids. it is better to be safe then have the fulling you let your child down and destroyed thier life, trust me.

My mom has done an excellent job at doing this. She has gone through really horrible things in the past with my dad and all and maikng it even worse, her uncle use to abuse her when she was just a little girl. It's too confidential to speak about it but her mom died when she was just twelve.

We a single family because my dad cheated on my mom with a prostitute (literally!) and left us for her. This caused my mom great heart ache and I kinda watched her suffer.

Not only this, but I moved like 17 times in my whole life and I am only sixteen and I might move once again because my mom can't handle everything on her own.

My mom wants to write a book about her life and I really need to ask you for some assistance in this category. My mom is really sick, i diagnosed her with BiPolar disease, and she needs to get out of this.

Please Help.

I promise her book will be worth it a 100%.

16 year old from Cape Town, South Africa. Oh, amd take this as a belated b-day present... Just kidding...
But I seriously hope to hear from you...

Thanx a plenty

My mom has done an excellent job at doing this. She has gone through really horrible things in the past with my dad and all and maikng it even worse, her uncle use to abuse her when she was just a little girl. It's too confidential to speak about it but her mom died when she was just twelve.

We a single family because my dad cheated on my mom with a prostitute (literally!) and left us for her. This caused my mom great heart ache and I kinda watched her suffer.

Not only this, but I moved like 17 times in my whole life and I am only sixteen and I might move once again because my mom can't handle everything on her own.

My mom wants to write a book about her life and I really need to ask you for some assistance in this category. My mom is really sick, i diagnosed her with BiPolar disease, and she needs to get out of this.

Please Help.

I promise her book will be worth it a 100%.

16 year old from Cape Town, South Africa. Oh, amd take this as a belated b-day present... Just kidding...
But I seriously hope to hear from you...

Thanx a plenty

My mom has done an excellent job at doing this. She has gone through really horrible things in the past with my dad and all and maikng it even worse, her uncle use to abuse her when she was just a little girl. It's too confidential to speak about it but her mom died when she was just twelve.

We a single family because my dad cheated on my mom with a prostitute (literally!) and left us for her. This caused my mom great heart ache and I kinda watched her suffer.

Not only this, but I moved like 17 times in my whole life and I am only sixteen and I might move once again because my mom can't handle everything on her own.

My mom wants to write a book about her life and I really need to ask you for some assistance in this category. My mom is really sick, i diagnosed her with BiPolar disease, and she needs to get out of this.

Please Help.

I promise her book will be worth it a 100%.

16 year old from Cape Town, South Africa. Oh, amd take this as a belated b-day present... Just kidding...
But I seriously hope to hear from you...

Thanx a plenty

firstly tyra let me say at first i was wondering why in thw world u would do a show like that and then i watched it because i was molested and raped by my cousin for 6 years of my life from the ages of 5-11 as well as my sister was molested by the same person and my mother was molested and raped by the father of the person who molested me....i think about it everyday and i know that is why i am the way i am to this day i am mean moody i dont trust men at all EXCEPT FOR MY FATHER.... i know the show wasnt about rape....but i have been raped by a guy i used to call my best friend since childhood....i was raped about 4 years ago....i have been scarred by guys....it is so bad that i am embarrased to say that i had post partum depression after giving birth to my son.... and the therapist informed me that so much has happend to me that i need to get over that it is a major reason for why it is so hard to love my son i have given custody to my mother and i take care of my daughter and i feel really bad i wish there was something that would make me feel better about what i have gone through and been through but i dont express this to anyone until today...the whole point in this is that nothing happend to the people who raped me my molestor never went to jail they never found the person who raped me 4 years ago anyway the show was good i am glad u did it....thanx i wish i could have asked him some questions myself.

hi,wen i was 13years old my bother friend had pulled me into da bathroom pined my arms to da wall and starting touching my area and kissing my neck and doining other things.My bother dose not know it heart that he did it but gladely they dont talk after that day he never came back.People plz talk to your kids about it kids etc. tell people about it if you dont lky whats going on.

Dear Tyra, I really appreciate the show on child sex abuse. Fortunately I am a survior of sex abuse and I have had years of therapy and still from time to time struggle with the realities of it. I would like to see the laws changed for the sex offender they should not be all lumped together because there are different degrees and situations of sexual abuse, such as the young man on your show--- It does not make any sense that his life is ruined because od consensual sex. For this country to claim to be opened minded the judicial system has not figured this one out yet!
Even though I have had a horrible and confusing childhood I do understand that some of these offenders can be retaught about sex and inappropriate behavior....because I think that know one ever taught them the correct way to respect women or men and/or children.

Thank you for bringing attention to the fact that young people who have consensual sex could become a registered sex offender. My son is one of those young men. He will be a first time dad in Aug. He will never be able to take his family to church, attend a ball game or any other school function with his child. His family will face a lifetime of harassment, embarrasment and ridicule. This is all because he made a bad choice in life. He had never been in trouble before except for speeding tickets. I pray that someday the laws will change to reflect which offenders are dangerous and those that are not. As of now all offenders are lumped into one category. Thanks again.